


I Can Breathe Again

by bisexualreina



Series: Their Breath [2]
Category: The Fall (TV 2013), The X-Files
Genre: Bisexual Dana Scully, Bisexual Female Character, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Miscarriage, Post Season 8, Women Loving Women, bisexual stella gibson, no graphic depictions of rape, no graphic depictions of violence, post series 3, pregnant stella gibson, stella and scully
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:53:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29649534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualreina/pseuds/bisexualreina
Summary: A sequel to "Her Breath of Air" where we get to know Stella Gibson a bit better.
Relationships: Stella Gibson & Dana Scully, Stella Gibson/Dana Scully
Series: Their Breath [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2178495
Comments: 40
Kudos: 88





	1. Forward & Present

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thank you to StellaGBenson on Twitter and on here for helping me build this story into what it is now!

Small, sticky hands clung to Stella and Scully as they strolled through the park on a late October evening, the Washington sun setting on the small family. Arthur Gibson-Scully oblivious to the giant popsicle stain on his shirt, despite the chilly winter air, simply delighted that he got to spend the evening with his most favorite people in the whole world. In his two and a half years of life, the articulate boy had grown a deep fondness for both of his mothers, but nobody could deny the unique and loving bond between Stella Gibson and their son. 

It had been a lingering worry at first, one that Stella was too terrified to vocalize as the tiny boy was placed in her arms. She loved him with her entire soul, but worried that there would be something that would keep him from loving her as his mother. However after countless hours of pacing hallways, gentle shushing, and feathery kisses against his soft crying face proved to bond the two like no other. With a love that strong, there was no doubt in Stella’s mind that there would be any disconnect. He was her son in every way that mattered.

Dana couldn’t help but beam at the way Arthur smiled up at the blonde, wrinkling his nose and laughing as her free hand made contact with her now grown curve of her seven month stomach. Stella was pregnant. It was something that even the blonde had trouble coming to terms with, but as December inched closer and closer she knew she had to buckle up and get ready despite the lingering worries, fears, and doubts.

As they reached the bend of the park Stella felt a tug on her arm and glanced down at Arthur who insisted that she swing him, a heavy request from a heavy little boy. Dana began to narrow her eyes to swiftly dismiss the plea, but Stella simply brushed her off and held her free hand out for his syrup covered paws to grip. With a grunt she swiftly swung him through her parted legs and back up into the air, setting him down with enough grace to prevent little sneakers from crashing into the obstacle of her growing stomach.

“That was the last swing mister radish, mummy isn’t going to be swinging you any more,” Dana smirked as he toddled around with his biological mother’s index and middle finger clutched in his hand. He nodded obediently as they continued to walk, Marci happily trotting on her leash in Dana’s other hand. The family seemed blissfully content as they made their way out of the cramped apartment that they spent the better part of their day cooped up in, the lack of physical exercise nearly driving Stella up a wall. Her days often consisted of either a light jog or trip to the local pool, but with the aching in her back, she had yet to find the motivation to do her daily laps up and down the long stretch of water.

“What’s a radish?” Arthur’s words articulate as he continued on the path, wiggling out of Scully’s grip to drape his arm over Marci’s neck to walk in harmony with the black Labrador runt. Dana bit her lip at the question and chuckled as the sun shone against their matching red locks, prompting the nickname. Following the early days after his birth, both Stella and Dana watched in amazement as dark, mousy locks lightened into a strawberry red, a shade or two lighter from his mother’s.

“A vegetable, it has a red outside just like your hair,” she explained tactfully, but his brain was constantly moving like a locomotion, simply making him shrug at the comment and continue walking. Keeping an eye on the little boy, Stella slipped her hand into Dana’s free one with a chuckling grin. He was curious, just like the woman who had carried and bore him, her genes coursing through his veins as he grew and learned about the big wide world he lived in.

“How are you both doing?” Dana questioned the blonde, her eyes trailing down towards the bulge in her figure. Stella simply sighed as she felt the little one twist and turn while inside of her, the maroon hoodie barely concealing the expanded form of her body. She was giant and she still had nearly two months left of cooking the little baby until she was ripe enough to make her debut into the world.

“We’re just fine, exhausted from our busy day of playing,” she pointed out while watching Arthur babble to the alert puppy. Dana couldn’t keep herself from laughing at the comment before squeezing the blonde’s hand, catching her attention.

“You do know that he is perfectly happy playing with his toys and coloring books, you don’t always have to be chasing after him Stel. You’re almost in your third trimester,” Dana pointed out, recalling the slower gait and continuous aching that her own body had gained upon her pregnancy’s progression and she had done it without a toddler running around demanding her undivided attention. However Stella just shrugged and continued on, her hand rubbing the side of her stomach until the kicks calmed down.

“I enjoy playing with him, plus I want to get it all out now while I don’t have a newborn that needs to be attached to me twenty four seven.” Her voice wavered at the ending of her sentence, catching Dana’s attention as the blonde’s gaze on their son softened. It was no secret that Stella had worries of bringing a new baby into the mix, it took a solid week to gain her unwavering confidence with Arthur despite her lack of genetic connection with him, and the thought of him resenting her for carrying and birthing a baby of her own terrified her. 

“He’s not even three yet Stel, he adores you,” Dana urged, but her words were cut short at the sound of scuffling sneakers against the pavement and a smacking thud. Both women winced as they waited for the inevitable cry that began to leak out of Arthur’s lips. Dana bit her lip and swiftly lifted the little boy into her arms to kiss the scraped surface of his forehead. The little boy shuddered into her shoulder until the feeling of Stella’s warm hands against the back of his head began to quiet him down.

With the instant contact of both women, Arthur perked up and reached sticky hands out towards the blonde as a request for her warmth as well. Averting her eyes from Dana, she thoughtlessly lifted him into her arms and motioned for them to turn back as the sun began to set.

With each heaving step Stella could feel Dana’s eyes on her like a hawk, consciously trying to regulate her exhales as the toddler’s breathing began to even out, nodding off from his exciting stroll in the park. Their plan had worked to get some of his steam burned off, but now Stella found herself stuck with dead weight and an aching back. The blonde began to regret the decision for them to abandon the car in the apartment garage and settle for a longer stroll, but there was no way she was admitting her clear miscalculation to her girlfriend.

Arthur’s scraped knees hugged Stella’s rounded middle as he snuggled further into the blonde, blissfully content despite her discomfort. As they trudged along Scully dug her hand into her pocket to grip the ring of keys that doubled as both an organization device and weapon to defend her little family as the sun set. At the sound of a tired huff, Dana glanced over at her partner while approaching the exterior entrance to the apartment building.

“Okay, I get to carry him upstairs. I don’t need all three of you tumbling down the staircase,” she winked, watching Stella hesitate for a moment before offering up the little boy towards her partner. 

“You’re already carrying one kid, let me carry the other,” Dana joked as she hoisted the toddler onto her hip, letting Marci jog up the stairs.

Stella begrudgingly agreed and gripped the banister with a weary breath, pulling herself up the flight of stairs that seemed to grow longer and longer with each passing week. Dana slowed her pace after noticing Stella’s slowing speed up the stairs, extending her free hand to try and lend a bit of assistance.

With a crinkle of her brow, Stella gripped her outstretched hand and managed her way up the final steps with a victorious sigh of relief. A small chuckle made its way out of the redhead’s mouth as she unlocked the door, both women staring tiredly at the cluttered mess that once used to be Dana’s quaint apartment.

Sensing a struggle, the redhead turned to face Stella whose eyes had begun to well up at the sight. “It’s just so messy, there is shit everywhere,” she huffed while waddling inside in frustration. Dana simply nodded and put the sleepy boy down on his unmade sheets, tucking him in with a gentle kiss before returning to the living room to find Stella cleaning in clear annoyance. 

With her bottom lip wedged between her teeth, Dana joined her partner and removed the toy train and stuffed lizard from her arms. The blonde pursed her lips and stared at the mess that surrounded them before moving a hand to the active foot that made contact with her ribs. Dana could tell that each swift blow to her ribs by their unborn daughter sent a wave of discomfort through Stella, it had been almost three years since her attack, but her ribcage often times felt tender with the wave of panic attacks, the occasional run, and in her present condition– with tiny feet slamming into them.

“We need more space. Everything isn’t going to fit with two babies, I think we need to move,” Stella finally cried, a realization neither woman wanted to acknowledge. It seemed like apartment thirty five of 3170 West 53rd Road seemed to be bursting at the seams with the little family that resided in it, readying itself to welcome another eager member to the bunch.

“I know, I’ve noticed too,” Scully sighed while finishing up the cleaning before Stella could even begin to move. “I actually found a place that is being listed and was going to talk to you about checking it out before the baby comes…”

Stella perked up at the mention of a new home for them, and Scully’s eagerness to look and shop took her by surprise given the fact that she had ultimately decided against leaving her beloved home while pregnant with Arthur. The blonde nodded in solemn agreement before vanishing towards the kitchen to find something worth whipping up for dinner for the both of them, barely able to focus over the growling of her stomach. 

Scully followed moments later with a felt outfit in her hands, mindlessly working with a sewing needle on the black fabric. Stella retrieved two pots and zucchini from the basket, spiraling two full ones into a bowl while water boiled on the stove. 

“I don’t understand why your son wants to be Marci for halloween when we have a perfectly good cat that he could dress up as,” the blonde huffed, her clear preference for felines shining through as she began on the sauce for their veggie stir fry. Scully laughed at the clear change of subject from purchasing homes to the small costume that Dana had been working on for weeks after their son had insisted that he go as their beloved dog. 

“Because he is a mama’s boy and loves puppies just like her,” Dana winked while sewing the last bit of an ear onto the hood before setting the costume on the kitchen table, moving behind her blonde wife and wrapping her arms around the expanse of her body and growing daughter.

_ Daughter. _

Both Dana and Stella couldn’t believe the technician when it was revealed that they’d be welcoming a little girl into the world— _ their _ world– in December. Dana couldn’t help but smile while watching Stella embark on this new experience, it was something she had expressed wanting for quite some time and Dana was happy to be taking a spot from the outside while she helped grow their family. The shorter woman pressed a soft kiss on the back of Stella’s shoulder, the blonde humming in response to the contact against her body.

“I don’t want to move, I wish this apartment was bigger so our little girl could come home here,” Stella frowned, turning in Dana’s arms to face the smaller woman with a trembling bottom lip. With a faltering frown the redhead nodded in agreement, letting her hands fall to the sides of Stella’s stomach with a feather soft touch.

“Me neither, our son was born here, we fell in love here…” she trailed off, glancing at Stella who didn’t seem convinced with her words, “but we will make new memories in a house that will fit  _ all _ of us.”

Stella shrugged at the comment and let her hands find Dana’s with a shuddering sigh. The blonde wasn’t used to having a home that she felt warm and loved in. The one in London was simply a vacant flat that she had rented for ages since she had moved out of her family home, her first move a heartbreaking memory for the woman.  _ This _ apartment, no matter how small, was her home despite all of the declarations of love that vowed that home wasn’t a place but a feeling.

“I want our daughter to be born here  _ too _ , she’s going to feel left out,” Stella frowned at the comment, making Scully chuckle and reach up to place a kiss onto her jaw before racing over towards the pot that had boiled over.

“I promise you that this new place will make you feel even more comfortable, especially for something like  _ that _ , Stel.”

With the comment Stella simply sighed and watched Scully dump some of the boiling water out before returning it to the stove, carefully taking the cooking utensils from her partner with a gentle nod.

“Why don’t you sit? You’ve been on your feet all day,” Dana pointed out as she motioned towards one of the stools. The blonde went to protest but the ever present swelling of her ankles didn’t help her argument one bit. Both women quietly sat while Dana cooked up the dressing that Stella had made for her upon their first night together, when both were dewy eyed and oblivious to the life they were destined to lead side by side.

“Well, on that note, have you decided where you want to have this little one? We have a small window of time for me to make some arrangements if you want,” Dana questioned the blonde, Stella going quiet at the mention of the big event that was set to transpire in a mere month and a half. 

Stella had a rough go at her pregnancy and the thought of having to end the nine long months with a grand performance and test of her willpower seemed less than pleasant. Dana noticed the way she began to chew on her lip, the one spot turning red from her anxious gnawing prompting her to set the wooden spoon down and take her frozen hands into her own.

“It’s okay if you haven’t, I promise.” Dana’s words were comforting to her partner, allowing her to lean in for a warm embrace. Stella’s fears had been substantiated by the uphill battle they had to climb to get to this point of simply expecting a baby, so Dana knew not to push her when it came to matters like how and where she wanted to deliver her.

With a gentle nod Scully plated two portions of the veggie stir fry and zucchini noodles and set them beside the tall glasses of water that Stella had gotten while her back was turned, one glass accompanied with a pile of prenatal vitamins that the blonde had subjected herself to. Both women ate quietly following their momentous conversation, simply enjoying each other’s company as the night progressed. 

Arthur had been out cold ever since returning from the park, his earlier dinner and day of play wearing him out without his regular routine that took ages to get him settled. With a settling sigh Dana noticed the weariness on Stella’s face taking it upon herself to set her fork down and reach out to take her free hand. It was a new reality that they had learned to settle into, no longer free to simply curl up on the sofa and bask in the silence, but forced to find the moments between the chaos to continue falling in love with one another.

“How are you feeling? Is there anything I can do to help you feel more comfortable?” She questioned her partner softly, watching as Stella sighed and shook her head gratefully followed by a gentle squeeze to her hand.

“I’m okay,” she vowed, knowing how prone Scully was to try and ease any discomfort she may or may not be suffering from. However Dana took her word for it and continued picking at her food, relishing in the last few hours of the weekend that they had left.

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


Stella shifted in her creaking desk chair, pushing herself forward and backwards on the wheels to try and lean over the wooden surface without her growing stomach digging into the edge. The baby protested with a sharp but swift nudge to the ribs, resulting in a frustrated grumble as she found her footing on tall stilettos to pace the length of the small basement.

Dana looked up from Mulder’s old desk and pushed her spectacles higher onto her face with a curious furrow of her brow to watch her partner pace in annoyance. Out of the corner of her eye she realized that Stella had caught Monica’s eye as well, giving the redhead a confused glance.

_ “Is she okay?” _ Monica mouthed from the back corner, Dana’s shrug prompting her to let her eyes linger for another moment before dropping back to her work. If they needed her or her apparently useful midwifery license that she had begun renewing, they would ask.

“What are you doing? You’re making me anxious with all your pacing,” Scully smirked, the blonde scowling at the comment before coming to rest on a rickety stool across the room. Dana waited patiently for an answer as Stella tiredly let her hands come to rest on top of her stomach, two feet jabbing relentlessly beneath her touch.

“I’m so  _ fucking _ huge that I can’t even fit behind my desk and work!” Her words sharp with distaste as she slid off of the stool, shifting her weight between both feet as she spoke to her now infuriatingly amused partner.

“I keep jabbing my belly into the edge of the desk and it’s making her all irritable, so now I have to walk or pace to calm her down or else she won’t stop.” Stella’s voice was filled with a desperation that Dana knew came from each normal, mundane task slowly being taken from her and her work, prompting a huff of frustration. Dana sighed at the watering of her eyes out of pure discomfort, her ribs aching as their daughter relentlessly protested with aching jabs to her bones.

Upon hearing her dilemma, paired with the pinched expression of desperation on her face, Scully pushed herself out of her seat and moved beside her partner. Placing a hand on the center of Stella’s stomach, Dana crouched down with a smile and began whispering soft, soothing affirmations to the frustrated little girl. Slowly, both women began to feel her movements mellow, returning to the gentle tumbling that Stella had grown quite fond of.

“Why don’t we switch desks, mine is higher and I fit in it while I was pregnant and huge with Arthur,” Scully insisted while gathering up her autopsy debriefings to make room for the grateful blonde who instantly settled behind the higher desk. 

As they both got situated, Monica crept around the corner with Angelica’s hand wrapped in her own along with a coloring book and stack of highlighters. Both women had almost forgotten the little girl was present, due to her preschool giving them the day off for Halloween preparations. 

“I have a meeting with Skinner to go over budgets and explain some stuff with him, she’s going to color but could you just make sure she doesn’t swallow a thumbtack or anything like that?” Monica pleaded towards both women who nodded incredulously in her direction, prompting her to sigh in relief and set her niece’s things down on the floor in between their desks.

“Be good!” Her voice echoing as she trotted out of the office in a hurry, leaving the curly haired girl to nod and trot towards Stella with a curious arch of her eyebrow. The blonde paused what she was working on and returned a similar look, smirking at the almost four year old. With a gasp of shock she watched as Stella pushed herself away from the desk, instantly shuffling towards her stomach with a curious gawk in her eyes.

“Do you see the baby?” Stella questioned softly, the little girl nodding in response while reaching both hands out, firmly planting them on the front of Stella’s stomach. The blonde could hear her girlfriend chuckling from the corner of the room as the little girl let her hands trail all over the rounded curve of Stella’s form, her attention catching quickly.

“What’s  _ that _ ?” Her voice light and articulate as she pressed down, her eyes widening with shock as the baby moved in response. “My belly button,” Stella informed matter of factly towards the small girl who giggled at the answer, lifting her own shirt to look at her own to try and compare.

“Mine is different, the baby poked mine out!” Stella’s narration bringing a grin to both of their faces as she laughed once more, the thought too much for her tiny brain to comprehend. Once her giggles subsided the little girl trotted around the desk once more, keeping herself busy before returning to Stella’s side with her coloring book and pens in hand, reaching her arms up for Stella to lift. 

With a grunt the blonde lifted the little girl and set her on whatever remaining lap space she had left, spreading out her coloring book beside her cases while offering her some more of her pens. As she colored, Stella continued to read through one of the cases, the child homicide linked with potential Satanists in the area made her stomach churn at the thought, causing her to hold the little girl a bit tighter out of pure instinct.

As Angelica colored, Stella sighed as she deducted that they’d have to go searching for the remaining children missing out in the woods, something that never came with any positive results. Alerting her partner of the search team she’d be sending out, Scully nodded and sent the notice upstairs to the higher officials to try and get the homicide solved. 

As they began to finish up for the day, Angelica slid happily off of Stella’s lap to go and help Scully put some of the books away in the large bookcase that she had seemed to enjoy. Stella stretched out the tense muscles in her back from the day and her stiff chair, rubbing them slowly until she felt a twisting cramp on the side of her stomach that made her blood run cold.

Holding her breath she felt tears welling up in her eyes as another twisting cramp constricted her before releasing. Trying her absolute hardest not to let out a sob, she let her hand come to fall on the spot where the feeling radiated through her.

“Dana…” she began to whimper, the breakage of her voice unnerving as it traveled through the office, prompting Scully to rush back into the basement in a record amount of time. It was a sound Scully had only heard a few times coming from Stella, and each time she knew that it was urgent.

Worry painted her expression as the redhead witnessed her blonde partner’s blanched complexion while holding the left side of her stomach, tears dribbling down her chin. Stella wasn’t one to panic at the drop of a hat, so the sight of her so shaken was enough to make Dana’s stomach sink.

“It hurts, it’s too early for her to come- it’s too early!” The blonde tried her hardest not to lose her composure completely as the redhead dashed to her side, her hand rubbing the spot atop her silk blouse while brushing her blonde bang back.

“Hey-  _ hey _ , it’ll be okay. We’ll be okay Stella,” Dana assured while crouching in front of her partner, her hand lingering on the spot that the blonde was hovering over with a protective palm. Pursing her lips together Dana let her mind race for a moment before sighing in partial relief at the realization as to what was happening.

“Stella, deep breath for me love. You’re both okay, it’s just some false labor. Let’s get your feet up and grab you some water,” Dana assured, both of their nerves still shot as Dana stood straight and cupped Stella’s head against her body, taking a moment to calm herself down to support her partner fully.

The redhead sighed before glancing down at the woman frozen in her seat, not taking her word for it as she held onto the surface of her stomach for dear life. The fear visibly coursed through her face as Dana held her, wanting to hang onto every word that her intelligent,  _ medically certified _ girlfriend had to say, but also not wanting to hope for anything too good to be true.

  
  



	2. January

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into the rocky journey Stella and Scully had expanding their family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Mention and slight description of an early term miscarriage and description of grief  
> Content Warning: Nausea and vomiting  
> //  
> Big thank you to msgilliana and gilliananderson on here for the beta help  
> Huge thank you to StellaGBenson for helping me map out this chapter and work this into their story  
> Thank you to palepinkpores for answering my questions about this

It was the inevitable approach of Arthur’s second birthday when mention of expanding their family had begun. Stella’s request to do the next round of carrying had taken Dana by surprise, but nevertheless she agreed when she noticed how much it meant to her. By late November, they had discussed that they would try. Arthur would be two by the time the theoretical baby would be born, giving them a decent age gap just like Dana and Melissa had between them.

Charlie Scully had agreed graciously to be a donor for the couple, both women delighted that this next baby would have genes from both families. With assurances that he would still be a fun-loving uncle despite his donation, their worries were eased and the procedures had begun.

With the telling nausea that riddled Stella by mid December, both women had been elated to find out that Arthur was set to become an older brother. The blonde felt horrendous, but there was a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel that told her all of this would be so incredibly worth it in the end. 

Stella had spent many of her days in bed, the nausea she had seen Dana tackle upon meeting her seemed like nothing remotely close to what she was experiencing. Dizzy spells, morning sickness, and persistent fainting was enough to confine her to the comfortable depths of their bed, both Dana and Arthur taking turns checking in on the ill woman. It was a shift from the lifestyle the blonde normally led, but she was happy to stray from her routine if it meant gaining something wonderful in the future.

However, the month of January rolled in with an uncharacteristic chill to the air that neither woman had prepared for. The coldest of them all being January ninth and tenth.

Their night had been routine, run of the mill for them, Scully bathing and reading to Arthur, followed by his insistence that they go to wish the blonde a good night. The sight of a pale and unwell Stella Gibson had scared him at first, but upon explaining to him that she was simply ill because of a “surprise in her tummy” he had learned to look past it and continued on with his signature kisses and hugs.

This evening being no different, Stella’s face was buried in her pillow even as the little boy’s ruddy hand reached up on his toes to clasp hers. Whisking him into her arms, Scully leaned over for Arthur to place a gentle kiss on his blonde mother’s face which resulted in a trying smile on Stella’s end. However, the grips of nausea entangled its fingers into Stella’s stomach, forcing her over the side of the bed to retrieve the new wastebasket. 

Tears gathered in her eyes as she fought to get it all out, gasping once she finished. The sound led Dana back into the bedroom with a frown of both sympathy and empathy for her partner, recalling how horrendous this first bit of pregnancy had been for her. She settled onto Stella’s edge of the bed and slowly rubbed circles into the blonde’s back, pressing a kiss onto her temple before exhaling heavily. 

“I feel worse tonight, all of this vomiting is making my stomach cramp up so bad,” Stella groaned, laying herself back onto the bed with a blanket tossed over her . Discomfort riddled her face as she curled around herself. Dana pinched her lips and nodded, rubbing a hand up and down the slope of her back to try and calm her down enough to get a decent night of sleep.

With the offer of water and painkillers, Dana was off to gather the promised items for her partner to try and distract herself from the lingering worry that burned a hole in the back of her brain. With a glass of water and bottle of Advil, Dana trudged back into the bedroom and offered two capsules to her partner with a gentle kiss to her head, praying that both the medication and rest helped her feel better before climbing under the blankets.

Crawling behind the blonde, she felt Stella reach over instinctively and pull her body against her back in order to keep her close. With a kiss to her nape and a wave of exhaustion, Dana found herself drifting off after requesting that Stella wake her if she needed anything despite her stubborn nature that would ultimately outweigh her promise.

What felt like hours had passed when a jolting flinch against the redhead prompted her to fling her eyes open and gasp at the feeling of Stella’s hand gripping hers that was still draped over her body. Shifting her weight onto her side, Dana pushed herself up and glanced down at her partner that was grumbling painfully into the pillow. A sickening feeling washed over the redhead as she moved her free hand up to the blonde’s head, rubbing it softly to try and catch her attention.

Dana watched as Stella slowly turned to face her, big blue irises filled with fear as she clung to her silently. With a measured breath, Scully carefully helped the blonde up from her spot into a seated position on the side of the bed. Her medical training kicking in, Dana stumbled off of the mattress and made her way in front of her girlfriend, biting her lip at the sight of a substantial stain on her grey sweatpants.

Her stomach lurched at the sight, biting her emotions back as she took a centering breath before moving in closer towards her painfully oblivious partner. With a gentle hand, she settled it against the flat surface of her tight abdomen as the explanation for her cramps now coming to light as her muscles twisted together. Stella found her footing off of the bed to begin her short trek to the bathroom, pausing for a moment to glance down at the feeling of moisture on her sweatpants.

Dana watched through restrained tears as the color drained from her partner’s face, blue eyes now swimming with tears as she reached a desperate hand out. Dana wasted little time making her way over to Stella’s side, her hand falling to her contracting muscles that were the source of such discomfort.

“Dana…” she whimpered, but the redhead was already leading her into the dimly lit bathroom. In an instant she helped Stella bring her pants down to her ankles before sitting her on the toilet with a steady hand. The sight of fear and heartache in the blonde’s eyes was almost too much for Dana to bear, but she stuck it out and pulled her partner against her own stomach to try and calm her down. 

The redhead’s mind was racing, trying her hardest to get control of the moment while supporting her whimpering partner. With a steady kiss to Stella’s head, she promised that she’d only be a few moments before slipping out to go and find a phone. At the sight of the phone’s dim display she swallowed and glanced at the time, not realizing how late it was. With fifteen minutes until eleven, Dana dialed her brunette friend knowing that Angelica was spending the week with Monica’s brother.

Fear coursed through her as she rambled off the situation to a groggy Monica, begging that she come and watch Arthur while Scully took her girlfriend to the hospital. With her vow that she was on her way, Dana hung up and dashed back into the bathroom where Stella cupped her face with her arms propped against her thighs, tears spilling through her fingers.

“Love, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay,” Dana cried before gathering her into the warm embrace of her arms. Stella howled painfully into the depths of Scully’s shirt, tears soaking through the fabric. The redhead wanted to take every ounce of this moment away from her and wrap Stella up in nothing but warmth and love, gently stroking her hair.

“I need to go to the bathroom, I need to pee,” Stella informed. 

Dana nodded in response while brushing away some of the tears and stray hairs stuck to her cheeks. Her miscarriage could’ve been happening for hours, but the passing of it was something that Dana had only just noticed, making her curse herself for not realizing the symptoms earlier. However, she pushed the thought aside and focused back on the blonde who had quieted down against Dana’s shirt, allowing Scully to brush her hand up and down the side of her head.

Dana took a deep breath and gingerly coaxed Stella’s thighs open, the blonde nodding for her to glance down before biting her bottom lip. Dana sighed and straightened up to grab a pad from the cabinet before disappearing to retrieve a fresh pair of underwear and sweats. Stella had gone ghostly silent as Dana swiftly switched out her soiled clothing for a new pair, attaching the pad to her underwear before getting her situated and fully clothed.

As Scully bunched the clothing up in the corner, the sound of the closing front door and footsteps allowed Dana to exhale as Monica stopped in the entrance of the bathroom. With a loving nod, the brunette moved in and gathered Stella into her arms, leading her into the living room before returning to the bathroom where Dana tried cleaning up.

“Just leave it, I have it under control,” she said with a sympathetic frown, pulling Dana into a warm embrace. She held the shorter woman for only a moment before letting go with a supportive squeeze to her arm.

“Don’t worry about Arthur or the mess, just go and be with your partner,” Monica urged, wiping Dana’s tears away with the pads of her thumbs before she emerged from the bathroom to be with Stella and ready her to leave.

  
  
  


…

  
  


With less convincing than she had expected, Scully brought Stella into the emergency room to get looked at despite her belief that everything had mostly passed at home. It was a heavy drive, with neither women finding anything to discuss on the way.

They had finally been seen at around two in the morning, the nurses kind and patient as they did the mandatory ultrasound which had filled the room with heavy emotions as the doctors relayed information to the couple. Stella hadn’t uttered many words since leaving the house, and Dana couldn’t blame her, simply keeping her frozen hand tucked in her own throughout the entire process.

They had requested the blonde change into a gown after revealing that she’d be undergoing a dilation and curettage, the daunting procedure title causing Stella’s hand to tighten around Scully’s, even after the doctor explained what would be happening. The woman seemed kind and understanding of the situation, explaining that there was only a little bit of tissue left that would need to be removed.  _ As if that was supposed to make her feel better. _

Stella’s hand clung to Dana’s as they got her set up and explained that she’d be given general anesthesia. Given her partner’s status in the hospital, she’d be allowed to stay with her if she wanted. The following hours felt like a blur for both women, Dana keeping vigil beside Stella while they worked respectfully and Stella fighting through the hazy effects of local anesthesia. 

With little sleep under her belt, Dana finally let a tear fall as they wheeled Stella into her curtained “room” to come out of the anesthesia. Dana recalled when she had found herself in a similar situation with Stella by her side, hers having a much happier outcome. They had wanted this so badly, and room in their hearts had already been made for this little being, so the loss felt like a swift blow to the gut.

Dana pulled her composure together and breathed deeply as Stella’s blurred vision began to focus on the redhead, giving her a moment to brush her own tear away and kiss her clammy forehead. They sat in silence, unsure of what to say to one another but grateful for the other as they waited to be discharged. It was a hollowing loss, one Dana had only felt a few times in her life, but knew Stella was all too accustomed to.

  
  
  


…

  
  


The drive home had been thankfully short, arriving back to the apartment across town at nearly five in the morning. The moon still hung bitterly in the sky as both women made their way up the steps, Dana’s arm securely holding Stella’s waist as they approached the front door. 

Monica had smiled with painful understanding in her eyes as she glanced up from her book on the sofa, swiftly bounding towards the women to help whichever one needed her assistance. Both women carefully helped Stella to the sofa while Dana went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water for her pain medication. Her turned back left a toddling Arthur to make his way out of bed and widen his eyes in excitement at the sight of his blonde mother out of bed for what felt like the first time in ages.

With almost cat-like reflexes, Monica spun around to catch the bouncing little boy and scooped him into her arms. Stella sat unmoving on the sofa, not noticing the two individuals beside her which allowed for the brunette to vanish down the hall with Arthur in tow. He had been made aware that his mommies were out upon waking to find his beloved Auntie Monica, sleep now lost on the small boy as he waited persistently for them to return.

Dana dashed around the corner at the sound of his little feet, sighing in relief to find him securely wrapped in her friend’s arms. With a frown he reached out for his redheaded mother who eagerly embraced him after setting the pills and water down, the brunette silently intercepting them to give to Stella.

“Mummy?” he simply requested before motioning towards the sullen blonde on the sofa, confused as to why so many were depriving him of the woman he loved so much. 

Dana bit her lip and pulled her son close, breathing in the scent of his baby shampoo and soap. His little fingers clutched her shirt in an attempt to hug her back, making her eyes well up at the size of her baby’s heart, clearly something he had inherited from Stella.

“Mama missed you, did you have a good time with Auntie Monica?” 

The redheaded boy simply nodded against her shoulder and tangled his chubby fingers into her hair as he did every night when he fought off sleep. It was still early and even the toddler wasn’t fully energized for the day as he thankfully mellowed out in her arms.

As Dana turned to move the toddler back into his bed, she winced as his head perked up at the sight of Stella. Tiny whimpers escaped his mouth at the sight of his blonde mother, tiny hands reaching out for her as Dana realized that he wasn’t going to let it go until he got a proper cuddle. With a worrisome glance, she surveyed the blonde who still sat silently on the sofa with her head bowed at her lap, the sight absolutely heartbreaking for the redhead.

“Okay, mummy is really sad right now my little bear. So we are going to be gentle with her and not jump because she still doesn’t feel well,” Dana whispered to the alert little boy who stared at her in partial confusion.

“Sick?” he asked, his voice a feathery chirp that managed to twist her gut even further. 

With a simple nod, she set him down and gripped his hand securely, watching as he toddled in his footie pajamas towards Stella on the sofa. Dana held her breath and set herself beside her partner, feeling her chest ache as she swiftly wiped away her tears upon noticing her presence.

The little boy climbed clumsily beside his biological mother and watched as Dana leaned over to kiss Stella’s temple with the same amount of gentleness that she had been practicing with him, making him nod with understanding. Carefully, Dana lifted the small boy into her arms and gingerly made his presence known to Stella who blinked momentarily and glanced over in their direction.

She slowly reached out her arms and let Dana set him into her aching ones, cuddling him deep into her chest for a moment. She relished in his tiny embrace, soaking him in completely while curled on the sofa. Dana blinked back her own tears and carefully wiped them away before either of them could see, not wanting to cause more of an emotional disturbance.

Stella felt as if her lungs were aching, as if her very breath of life had been sucked from her in the early hours of the morning, but somehow the feeling of her loving little boy helped ease some of it. Dana bit back the sobs she felt bubbling up in her chest as Stella began to slowly rock the little boy, his little hands wiggling free from her grip in order to reach up and cup both of her slick cheeks. The feeling of his pudgy hands against her skin stunned the woman as he reached higher on his fleecy pajama toes to mirror Dana and place a sloppy but intentional kiss on her head.

Stella felt her breath hitch as she stared for a moment, cupping the back of his head to press her lips against his chubby cheeks before pulling him back into her arms. The blonde no longer fought back her sobs as they bled out of her chest, silently shaking her to her core. Dana watched through sleep deprived and teary eyes before carefully easing Stella off of the sofa with Arthur still cradled in her arms. She knew better than arguing with her about lifting his dense little form following the procedure, as long as she kept an eye on her then their short walk wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Lifting the comforter and sheets back, Dana noticed that they had been freshly washed, bleached and starched by the brunette who had made herself comfortable in Arthur’s tiny bed for the night. The redhead wished she had the energy to thank her until she sobbed, but she couldn’t find any remaining as she helped her partner ease onto the mattress with their little boy in her arms.

The air was quiet as Dana crept beside Stella in bed, the blonde allowing her to drape her arm over the curve of her hip and pull her closer. Their son nestled contently between the both of them and drifted off almost immediately, allowing Dana to exhale and glance over at Stella who had yet to drift off. Letting her hand rise to her partner’s face, Dana carefully brushed her finger over the smooth skin of her cheek before letting her own tears fall. For the first time in what felt like ages that night, Stella’s eyes met hers and faltered at the sight of Dana’s glistening irises.

“I’m sorry,” her words barely audible, but Dana caught them through the sound of her shattering heart. 

“No, you have  _ nothing _ to be sorry for. Absolutely nothing. Stella this was not your fault,” Dana urged, her words prompting another fit of sobs to rattle out of her chest. 

With her bottom lip wedged between her teeth, Dana lifted their sleeping son and shifted him to her other side before rolling closer towards her partner. She finally pulled her close and tucked Stella’s head under her chin, praying that she could take away some of her pain that she felt so deeply. 

Just as she had done while learning how to support Stella in these moments while dating her, Dana pressed her lips into the soft crown of her head and prayed for her. It was an incoherent, rambled plea with God to help the woman she loved so fiercely. She knew he didn’t have the ability to bring back what they had lost, but she simply begged he ease the agony that tore Dana to shreds as she watched her recover.

“I love you. You’re going to be okay.  _ We’re _ going to be okay. I have you and I won’t let go until you need me to,” Dana vowed through her own threatening tears, the assuring feeling of Stella nodding allowing her to exhale and pull the covers over the three of them as the darkness of the night slowly began to break with a tiny sliver of dawn.

  
  
  
  
  
  


…

_ Present Day  _

  
  


“You both are perfectly fine, I’m giving you a clean bill of health,” the young obstetrician on call smiled, her wild hair telling them both that she was on the tail end of a grueling shift. Stella’s hand clutched Dana’s as she worked herself out of the incredibly revealing stirrups, holding the paper sheet over her lap as the doctor continued to speak.

“What you were experiencing was indeed Braxton Hicks. They’re going to be a bit uncomfortable like menstrual cramps, but they should go away after you put your feet up, get some rest, and a glass of water or two.”

Stella nodded quietly and waited for the young woman to finish so she could begin the cumbersome task of getting her slacks back on. However, the doctor flipped through her chart of information that the triage nurse had taken upon their arrival that evening following Stella’s scare at the office. 

“You know, many women mistake this for early labor so you’re not the only one Stella,” the woman explained empathetically while folding the chart up and wedging it under her arm. 

Stella nodded at the comment and wedged her thumb nail between her canines as the doctor placed two hands on her stomach, pressing down before smiling up at both women.

“She’s not in position yet and is tumbling up a storm, and like I said before she is strong and healthy based on your tests and ultrasound. You still have a few months to go, but if you have any doubts you can call the hospital and I will most likely be here to help,” she smiled warmly, her words allowing Stella to exhale and nod before thanking her as she bustled out of the room to go and deliver a baby,save a life, or something else heroic in nature.

Stella blushed as she reached for her pants that sat beside her discarded shoes, grunting as she pulled them up with some resistance, finally accepting help from her pleasant partner. “Sorry I scared us both, this all seems a bit dramatic now,” she sighed in frustration as both women finally managed to get her pants up, situating the elastic support around the swell of her bump before fastening the button.

Dana just shook her head and pulled Stella close before planting a kiss onto her lips, pulling away to wrap her in a warm hug. “You are allowed as many hospital visits as you need while carrying our baby. I know some of this is scary for you because of everything, so you never have to apologize for following your gut,” Dana urged while brushing a stray hair off of Stella’s face.

“But we’re missing Arthur’s Halloween,” she pointed out sadly, making Dana chuckle and squeeze Stella’s hand before grabbing her purse for her. 

“You’re right, but he is having a wonderful time with his grandma, Auntie Monica, and best friend in the whole world Angelica,” the redhead explained, checking her watch to see that it was only six thirty in the evening, which gave them enough time to get changed and wait for the small group to return to the apartment for candy sorting and popcorn balls that Dana had worked on the night before.

“We can still get home for the fun bits,” Dana breathed while helping Stella into her pair of painfully high stilettos, her condition pairing with them receiving gawking stares as she walked the halls of the maternity ward. 

Their drive had been a much more pleasant ride home versus some of the other ones that they had endured, one hand loosely gripping Dana’s while the other rubbed the assuring kicks of their hungry daughter. As they drove in comfortable silence, Dana bit back a smile and turned into an ice cream shop with a mischievous wink towards the protesting blonde.

“It’s probably full of things that the baby shouldn’t be having,” Stella frowned as Dana pulled around the corner, into the drive through line. 

“She’ll be fine, plus you do your best to eat well for her. After the day you’ve had, you deserve some ice cream,” Scully winked as the car inched forward towards the box to order.

“Fine, but only a small cone. I’m not hungry for much,” she lied, the words making Dana raise an eyebrow at her partner in disbelief. 

With a heavy sigh, Stella relented and felt a shred of excitement fill her as Dana ordered her a double fudge concoction in a waffle cone with her favorite peanut butter sauce that she had discovered around her fourth month of pregnancy. 

“You have to get one too,” Stella pointed out as Dana began to order a smoothie for herself, the teasing in her voice making the redhead nod in response and order herself the strawberry cheesecake version of what Stella had gotten.

As both women waited, they watched as tiny children trotted in herds around the sidewalks with eager parents following safely behind. The sight brought a smile to their faces until the disgruntled teenager passed the ice creams over to both women through the window. Dana nodded her thanks and dropped a tip into the jar before pulling into a parking spot much to Stella’s confusion.

“We need to go home, we’ll miss them…” the blonde began to protest, but Dana just shook her head and took the ice cream from her expectant partner along with one of the spoons. 

“We’ll make it, but I just wanted to spend a minute with you and let you know that you’re doing amazing and I’m so proud of you for growing our family for us. Also to remind you that you’re human and allowed to have some moments of fear after everything we’ve lost. I’m just reminding you that if you need me, I’m always here to buy you some ice cream and work through anything you need to get off your chest.”

Stella blinked away a few tears before balancing her ice cream on her knee, reaching over to kiss Dana delicately. A rogue tear fell down her cheek and she exhaled slowly. She let the lingering worry of the day slowly unravel as she stared at the woman who had followed her fiercely down this winding road of uncertainty and nagging blips of worry.

“I love you, and I appreciate you,” Stella breathed, no matter how hard life felt in fleeting moments, those two things were always easy. 

Stella had once been someone who suffered in silence, unwilling to open herself up fully to those who wanted to love her, but it was moments like these that she relished in her growth. She had a loving partner who was there to help catch her when she stumbled. 

In this particular moment of their story, she was grateful for a partner who wouldn’t just catch her, but hold her, cry with her, and commit to the gritty healing by her side, hand in hand and never letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you if you made it this far. I know this was a heavy chapter and a real reality for many so please be respectful if you decide to comment. I appreciate you all very much.


	3. Broken Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A weekend away...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: mention of Stella's past miscarriage & body image  
> //  
> Big thank you to gilliananderson and StellaGBenson for all of the help betaing and brainstorming!

Dana jumped as the front door slammed with a harsh thud, Arthur playing contently on the large bed with one toy airplane in each hand. Seconds later Stella appeared with a weary but agitated expression plastered on her face, instantly tossing her bag onto a nearby chair before easing herself onto the bed. 

“Hi…” Dana questioned, careful not to poke the metaphorical bear that was her hormonal partner. Stella grumbled a kiss onto Dana’s lips before dropping her hands to her eight month bump, she had crossed into her thirty second week just days before and her agitation was clear with every twinge and pang in her back. 

Dana chuckled at the sight and tossed Stella’s shoes off of her feet before massaging some of the swelling down. At the sight of his mother helping the blonde, Arthur tilted his head in observation before discarding his toys on the comforter. The small boy crawled towards Stella’s legs and let his pudgy hands come in contact with her untouched foot, squeezing it with less rhythm than Dana.

“Oh thank you Arthur, you’re being so helpful,” Stella smiled down at the grinning redhead who was simply pleased to be helping his mother. The blonde winked at her partner as she prompted him to switch sides with her, moving in to properly help her other aching foot.

“I have to go to New York tomorrow,” Stella finally revealed after a moment of comfortable silence. The news making Dana’s eyebrow raise as Arthur lost interest with the massage and crawled into the warm space between Stella’s body and arm. 

“For work? Do they want me to go?” Dana questioned while working her hands up to Stella’s prickly calf, messily shaven from her inability to see the surface of her legs. The blonde shook her head slowly and exhaled while running a hand over their little girl, biting the inside of her lip.

“No, it’s about the Spector case,” she muttered while brushing her hand over Arthur’s auburn hair. Dana nodded slowly and recalled the horrendous toll that case and killer had taken on Stella, her worry increasing given her gravid condition that she found herself in.

“He had two kids, five and three. When Sally Ann tried to…” Stella began, glancing down at Arthur momentarily before biting back tears, “when she tried to hurt the kids they put them in the custody of Mary Goodall, their maternal grandmother, but she had a stroke last night while on holiday in New York and didn’t make it.”

Dana bit her lip as Stella swallowed her tears, her eyes lowering guiltily to pick at her nail that she inevitably wedged between her teeth. The shorter woman sighed and watched as she took a breath to speak again.

“The kids were with her and saw the whole thing. Olivia, the older one, called 9-1-1 and got her help, but now they have nobody. I need to go and help with their case to get them settled into a good home with a good family to love them.”

Stella’s tone was firm as her eyes glazed over for a moment, the weight of their situation clearly showing more than when Dana had first met her following the case. Stella had been shaken deeply by the entirety of the case, but concealed it well despite the horrifying things she had witnessed. Now Stella was a mother, not that she lacked sympathy for the women and children affected by the case, but the outcomes felt even more raw to her.

“I can come with you if you want, so you don’t have to fly alone,” Dana offered while lifting the now sleeping boy into her arms to put down for the night. Stella nodded gratefully before sitting up with the assistance of Dana’s arm, knowing that she was more than capable of traveling on her own, but with their little one and her unpredictability she felt better with her partner by her side.

“My mom can watch Arthur for the weekend if we need, so I can call her,” Dana whispered with the little boy sleeping soundly on her shoulder. Stella nodded and slid off of the mattress to follow them both into the tiny bedroom to help tuck the toddler into his bed, bending over with a quiet groan of effort to place a kiss onto his head. 

Hand in hand they both shuffled into the kitchen where they found themselves making another late meal for themselves after what felt like a never ending day. Stella rummaged through the cupboards until she pulled out a box of thick fettuccini noodles and jar of Alfredo sauce.

“My mom fed Arthur her broccoli casserole and I couldn’t believe how much he ate, he’s going to be a big boy when he gets older,” Dana smiled as she took the items from Stella who nodded with a half smile. As Dana began to heat up the sauce she noticed her partner’s fidgeting movements out of the corner of her eye, prompting her to set the utensils down and turn.

“Hey, come dance with me?”

The request was quiet as Dana extended her arms towards Stella, smiling as the blonde agreed and moved into them. An amused smile fell on Dana’s lips as she reached onto her toes to bring Stella’s head against her shoulder. They struggled to get as close as possible with the expanse of her stomach, the feeling of their daughter wedged between them making both women chuckle softly.

“Do you want to talk about what is making you so antsy?” Dana whispered as Stella clasped her hands behind Scully’s neck while bringing her forehead into contact with the shorter woman’s.

“It’s just hard, when things end up like this. Paul Spector ruined these little kids’ lives, and they love him so much despite it all. It’s hard to wrap my head around sometimes, when I had to bring Olivia in to talk with him, I wanted to be sick.” 

Dana eased her lips onto Stella’s, letting a hand fall to her cheek with a calming smile which managed to bring the blonde’s nerves down. “We can’t understand people who kill for no reason, or try and dissect why they leave their families to pick up the broken pieces like this—let alone children.”

Stella nodded and moved out of Dana’s embrace, her focus now landing on the pot of sauce that had begun to warm up. Stella gave it a stir before draining the pasta water into the sink, feeling her pores open up at the steam that wafted into her face. Dana carefully chopped a small salad for the both of them while they slid onto the stools at the counter, the blonde shoveling her pasta into her mouth with a delighted glimmer in her eyes. 

“Well, I’m excited for us to get away even if it is for a day or two. If you’re up to it after the case is settled we can go to a museum or something?” Dana pointed out with a gleam in her tone, making Stella tear her gaze away from the pasta and smile softly. Neither woman had gotten many moments together without their son or the looming presence of work recently, and with the arrival of their baby on the horizon, the thought of a trip wasn’t a bad idea.

Stella nodded at the thought and muttered that she’d call the hotel in the morning with the arrangements, her excitement over their weekend together glimmering through despite the heavy work that had to be done beforehand.

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


The flight had been a brief one, however that didn’t prevent Stella from nodding off the minute the roar of the engine kicked to life. Both women squished on the two sided row of the plane, allowing the expectant woman to lean into Dana with ease. If it hadn’t been so incredibly early, she knew the worried stares and glances in her direction as she walked up the aisle would’ve gotten to her, but she was too exhausted to care.

Dana smiled as Stella sleepily let her hand rub the side of her stomach as she drifted off, mindlessly continuing even after her eyes shut. Dana had visited New York in her past and she loved the bustling atmosphere of the city life, but knew that she couldn’t function in a place as fast paced as the city.

They landed after only a few hours, making the redhead frown at the thought of rousing her partner, but she knew that she would want to take a moment to grip her bearings after waking up from such a long nap. Stella groaned as Dana lightly shook her, a hand flying protectively to her bump upon focusing on the unfamiliar setting she found herself in before registering that she was on an airplane.

“Fuck are we here already?” 

Dana nodded at the question and placed a chaste kiss on her head before unclasping her seatbelt, the blonde following suit while Scully gathered their luggage from the overhead bin. Jumping on her short legs, Stella just raised an eyebrow and urged her partner forward while reaching to grab the suitcase. It was as if she had an audience, a few onlookers gasping and swatting at their husbands until a younger woman stepped forward and helped herself to Stella’s bag.

“Here, before these old crows start ranting about chivalry,” the young girl smiled, she looked as if she were just out of college, her sweatpants and windbreaker telling them that she had nowhere to be following this flight. Stella nodded gratefully before wobbling through the narrow aisle past the same gawking stares before making her way out to the JFK terminal.

Dana led the way with Stella’s hand securely linked into her own to prevent any separation given her insistence of wearing her ridiculous stilettos. With a sigh both women made their way out to the front and hailed a taxi to take them down to the office where Stella would be meeting with the children before they went into family court.

“The proceedings will be over video conference, I just have to meet with the kids since I’m their line of contact here in the states. Once I’m done with that we can leave,” Stella sighed as the driver sped them around the bustling street, feeling the warm contact of Dana’s hand on hers as she watched the tall skyscrapers pass her by. It was early November and the blistering chill in the air was one Stella wasn’t particularly used to, causing her to shiver under the wool coat that she had wrapped herself in.

“Here,” Dana smiled while pulling a wool scarf out of her bag, wrapping it around the blonde who thawed at the feeling of warmth. The traffic was off and on, but Stella was anxious to get into the office where she knew the desperate kids were waiting for her. Dana could feel her stress increasing as they inched their way down the streets, finally coming upon the office with an impatient screech. 

Dana helped her partner out of the cab and swiftly retrieved their bags as the blonde wandered into the dark building. Her stomach turned at how similar it seemed to the Belfast precinct with it’s peeling forest paint and low lights, this was no place to be keeping children following such a harrowing loss as theirs..

Flashing their badges, the receptionist took their luggage into holding and passed over two visitor badges before buzzing them inside. Stella’s heels clacked against the frigid linoleum with Dana even with her stride. It was as if they had been transported back into the Hoover Building, two partners working in tandem together. Dana smiled at the sentiment, despite their remaining partnership in the office, she missed the feeling of leaving town for cases with the person she loved. Stella carried herself with a determined poise that she normally did with work cases, rounding the corner towards the open conference room.

“If you want to sit this one out you can, I know it can be hard,” Stella offered to her girlfriend, but the redhead dismissed it and gave her frigid hand a squeeze. “You forget I’m also your work partner,” she assured, both women putting their game faces on before entering.

An older woman sat with both children on a tiny sofa in the dingy room, a blanket draped over them both as they shivered from the lack of heat circulation in the building. Stella felt her chest constrict as she noticed their growth, Olivia being nearly eight and Liam reaching five. With a heavy exhale she nodded past the woman and slowly squatted in front of the groggy children.

“Hi you two, do you remember me?” Stella’s voice took on a softer tone as she released Dana’s hand to grip the edge of the cushion for balance. Olivia slowly nodded and sat up straighter in her spot, Liam shaking himself awake at the jostling to stare at both women in front of them.

“You helped my daddy before he died.”

The reminder nearly made Stella topple over. The blonde nodded slowly and glanced at Liam who still seemed unsure with the presence of this new woman that he had yet to meet due to his stay in the PICU after their accident. Noticing his unease, Stella extended a hand to the little boy and waited for a moment before clearing her throat.

“I’m Stella. I  _ knew _ your mummy and daddy and I’m here to help you since your grandma unfortunately got sick and passed away too.”

Liam stared carefully before slipping off of the sofa with two extended arms towards the blonde. Taking a shaking breath, Stella drew the little boy in for a warm hug just as she had done with his frightened sister years before. 

“Liam, be careful! Don’t squeeze too hard, she has a baby in her tummy,” Olivia chastised before quickly glancing at Stella with an apologetic expression. The poor girl was mature for her age, forced to grow up much faster than she should’ve, and Liam was all she had left.

“That’s alright, he’s not hurting my baby,” Stella assured gently, giving his head a brief rub before setting him back on the sofa. With a slight grunt of effort and help on Dana’s end Stella straightened back onto her feet and glanced at the form with the day’s schedule, sighing at the strict schedule that they were set to.

“Okay, Olivia and Liam, you’re going to come with me and my special friend Dana and we are going to sit and listen to some people talk on a screen and then I’m going to have you two meet with the people who are going to take you back to Belfast, okay?” 

Olivia nodded at her words and slid off of the sofa with ease, holding her hand out for Liam to take, unwilling to separate from him. Liam toddled beside his sister, the both of them nearly the same height as he clung to her, reaching his free hand out for Stella to take. With an exhale she took it and nodded at Dana who happily took Olivia’s.

They walked in silence down the thick hallways until Olivia glanced over at the blonde woman who had changed so drastically since she had last seen her. “Why do you have a baby in your tummy?” She questioned as they walked, the comment making Dana smile discreetly before continuing on.

“Well,” Stella began, blushing as she turned towards Dana for help, “I have a little boy at home, and I remembered how lovely you were with your brother and I wanted him to have a sister just as lovely as you,” Stella winked, making the blonde child smile before twisting her lips with a wave of disappointment.

“My mummy used to help mummies with babies in their tummies. They were sick babies,” she pointed out, the mention of Sally-Ann making a lump rise in Stella’s throat. The blonde nodded in understanding before glancing up at her patient partner.

“I work with babies sometimes,” Dana added, changing the subject as they rounded the corner towards the main lobby. The mention of babies instantly caught Olivia’s attention, thankfully giving Stella some reprieve as the young girl prodded Dana with a generous amount of questions.

Stella sighed as they finally found the conference room with the long projector and bulky computer. At the sight of the group of people, Stella felt the two children hesitate. Their instincts had kicked in as they cowered together between the two people they truly had to trust. Stella sighed sadly and once more tilted herself forward to speak with the both of them as they stared down the group of people.

“Hey, it’ll be alright. Dana and I will be here the whole time and if you have any questions you can ask us, okay?” Stella vowed, the children nodded in understanding and slowly followed her in, taking their seats out of view from the computer camera. If any undisclosed individuals were to come onto the screen, Stella knew better than to put these children on camera.

Dana sighed as she slid the shorter boy onto the large chair, Olivia able to get herself situated in between the both of them. The proceedings had been drawn out and painful as social workers, judges, and lawyers worked through wills, custody agreements and family members until it was finally settled that Liam and Olivia would be staying with an extended Aunt in London.

The children had behaved up until Dana felt a faint tug on her shirt, Liam’s complexion now flushed as tears filled his green eyes. The redhead hastily searched for a problem until she noticed his pants dampening as he tugged again, with more urgency in his expression.

“Oh, honey,” Dana sighed while pulling him out of his seat. Giving Stella a look she led the little boy out of the room and into the bathroom, leaving the blonde with the small girl who just shifted in discomfort over her brother being led out of the room.

A few more statements were read before the family court ruled that a social worker named Avery Anderson would be accompanying the children back to London, the young woman being the one that had helped Stella with her bag on the airplane. She raised her eyebrow at the sight of the woman who had gotten dressed up in the time that it took for Stella and Dana to leave the airport and meet with the kids.

As the room started to clear Stella glanced over at Olivia who remained silently in her seat, uninterested in meeting this woman who would be taking them to their new home in London. 

“Why do we have to go to London, Stella?” she questioned as Stella shifted in her seat, a hand falling to her stomach as she thought of the young girl’s remark. These poor children were being torn from every piece of normalcy that they knew, and it was all because of their father and his need to shed blood despite every precious thing he had to lose.

“It’s where your Aunt lives, sweetheart. Plus London is a lovely place, it’s where I used to live,” she explained calmly, the young social worker making her way over towards the both of them with a quippy smile. Olivia frowned as she drew near, scooting closer to Stella out of instinct that the blonde would protect her.

“Hi Olivia, I’m Avery. I am going to be taking you and Liam to your Aunt Lydia’s in London. Are you excited to go on an airplane?” she questioned with a bout of excitement that Stella was relieved to be seeing from the young woman. Olivia nodded slowly and slipped her tiny hand into Stella’s without warning, making the blonde suck in a breath and squeeze it back.

“When are we going?” Olivia’s voice trembled as she made piercing eye contact with the social worker in front of her, unsure of this whole plan that was being made without her input. The woman informed her that they’d be set to leave in the morning after breakfast, leaving little time for preparation on the children’s behalf.

Scully finally returned with Liam in tow with a new pair of pants from the front and a sealed bag that she promptly passed to Avery without a word. At the sight of the small boy, Avery made her introductions and watched as he remained planted beside Dana with his hand still in her’s. As Liam scooted beside his sister, Stella noticed the ease that washed through Olivia’s body, knowing he was close and safe. With a sigh Stella glanced at her partner wearily and nodded that this is where they’d be leaving them.

Avery muttered that they’d have enough time to say goodbye to one another and she’d be waiting in the hall. Upon her departure both Olivia and Liam took a breath of relief and stared up at Stella with watery eyes as they huddled closer.

Stella could feel her lip trembling as she fought to keep her ravaged emotions at bay, kneeling in front of the both of them while buttoning Olivia’s light sweater. 

“Why can’t  _ you _ take us to London? You said you live there,” Olivia whimpered, her question making Stella’s heart bleed as she stared at the girl who seemed to only trust the blonde after both parents had confused every instinct in her little brain. Stella pursed her lips and brushed a hand down her silky strands before cupping her cheek with a sigh. 

She had worked hard to keep her involvement professional with the case, no emotional attachments to the victims or their families, but these children were different. She felt a sense of responsibility to see them off into a good and stable life.

“I don’t live there anymore, sweetheart. I live here and have to stay with my babies,” Stella frowned, making Olivia glance down at her stomach before taking a shaking breath. 

“Oh, well don’t take your babies to the beach, it’s scary there,” she pointed out matter of factly, making Stella’s heart drop at the comment. Without much thought she pulled the little girl into her arms and held her as close as possible, reaching a hand out towards Liam who eagerly joined into her embrace. 

“Your mummy loves you very much, but she was very sick and wasn’t herself anymore when she did that. She wouldn’t have done that if she wasn’t sick because we don’t hurt the people we love on purpose, okay?” Stella urged through thick, building tears. Dana frowned sympathetically as the children stayed close, burying themselves into Stella’s silk blouse.

“Ms. Avery has my phone number and can give it to your Aunt okay? If you ever need anything and you don’t know who to ask you can ask me. You two have been very brave and I am very proud of you both. Maybe one day I’ll come visit you two and see how you are treating London while I’m away.”

Dana couldn’t miss the wavering in Stella’s voice as she spoke to the children who hung onto her so tightly, watching as she finally pulled them away and blinked the remaining tears out of her eyes as they stared at her. Stella couldn’t bear to see the fear lingering, and she was simply expected to let them go and trust that the Metropolitan Police would help them settle. 

“Will you bring your babies?” Olivia questioned with her own waver in her voice, tears budding in her bright eyes while Liam remained silent at her side. Stella smiled in response and agreed, reaching a hand out to Dana to help her up. 

Reaching her hands out, Stella led the children out of the door and silently dressed them in their coats, recalling the harsh weather of New York. Both women helped them with ease as they shuffled them towards Avery who politely nodded at both Stella and Dana and assured them that she’d call if there were any problems. The blonde exhaled as the young woman promised cups of hot chocolate to the children while leading them away from the couple, the sound of their swishing jackets growing fainter and fainter urging a bubble of emotion to come up for Stella.

“Hey, let’s grab some dinner and go back to the hotel,” Dana urged as she watched Stella slowly crumble at the sight of their departure. The taller woman nodded and shrugged her heavy coat back on before reaching down to grip her girlfriend’s hand for a comforting squeeze. However, even her assuring grip couldn’t quell the fierce sting of tears in Stella’s eyes, realizing that she simply had to trust that these kids would be okay.

  
  
  


…

_ January _

  
  
  


Stella stared at herself in the mirror with red, watery eyes and felt a bubble of distaste rise in her throat. Her normally pristine hair fell in straight knots, stuck to her tear stained cheeks. The clear complexion that she worked so hard to maintain was blotchy and red from sobbing her heart out for days, leaving her raw and wounded as she shuddered at the woman who stared back at her in the mirror.

A trembling hand fell to the flat muscle of her abdomen that had been carved and chiseled from countless hours in the pool. However all she had wanted and prayed for was to feel the softening of her stomach as life grew within, week by week and month by month.

But she couldn’t even do that.

Stella had felt quite comfortable in her own skin. She had worked hard on her body in both the physical and mental sense, and she never imagined that she would find herself crying tears of absolute loathing over the very vessel that housed her on this planet. 

_ She had lost a baby. _ Her body couldn’t handle the challenges that it had brought and gave up on her— on them.

The thought rang through her mind as she cupped the tiny spot where Dana had explained the baby once sat, when basking in the bliss of a new pregnancy. It was sore and tender from her procedure done that morning, and she endured every pang of pain that raced through her in self deprecating silence.

Dana deserved more, Arthur deserved more, and she hated the feeling of letting her family down with the very thing that was supposed to have worked. It was the most natural thing a woman could do, and her body couldn’t do it. 

Stella released her sob before catching it with her wrist, the chill in the air thankfully requiring her to change into a warmer long sleeve to catch the moisture falling from her eyes. In response to the sound the door to the bathroom slowly opened and a groggy Dana crept inside, taking note of the scene in front of her.

With a gentle touch, she reached out and laid her hand against Stella’s wrist to catch her attention. Nearly jumping out of her skin from the contact, the blonde eased momentarily at the sight of her girlfriend, tensing herself back up to feign normalcy in the presence of the woman who knew her best.

Staring into her bloodshot eyes Dana managed to break Stella’s attempted facade of normalcy, opening her arms to the exhausted woman and cupping her head as she buried her face into her shoulder.

“Be kind to yourself, Stel. You’re only human,” Dana urged while holding her, but the blonde simply shuddered and wailed into her shirt. Scully bit her lip and rocked her slowly until her howls turned into gentle weeping, quieting down from pure exhaustion on the blonde’s part. The only sound in the apartment that could be heard was the steady snoring of Arthur in the room beside theirs, the moon high in the sky as a beacon of the late hour.

“Let’s get back to bed…” she urged of her distraught partner, noticing how Stella took one final glance at herself before following her back into the dimly lit bedroom, her head bowed a little further than it had been in ages.

  
  
  
  
  
  


…

_ Present Day _

  
  
  


Dana licked her lips in excitement as she situated the belt on one of Stella’s old silk robes, one that she had craved wearing for ages upon meeting the blonde, unable to find the opportunity at the time given her once gravid condition, and more recently a bustling toddler. However, she found herself not pregnant and with the weekend away from maternal responsibilities, Dana finally found the time for them to finally reconnect in a way that life hadn’t let them in a while.

Scully knew the physical discomforts that came with carrying a child, but also the sweet release that came with satisfying the aching need that bundled up after withholding from such pleasure with the one you loved dearly. Stella often came home exhausted and wiped, barely mustering up enough energy to cuddle and read Arthur to bed with Scully before shoveling food into her mouth and collapsing into their bed. They were busy and Dana didn’t want to pry when such heavy responsibilities fell on the blonde’s shoulders, but they were on a getaway and could finally indulge.

Pushing the door open, Dana slowly emerged from the bathroom with nothing but the pink silk tied around her form. Her hips had remained slightly broadened from Arthur residing inside of her for nine long months, giving her form a fuller look as the silk stuck to her burning skin. She had showered and let the steam dampen her body, allowing the winter air to ripen her nipples in shock as she planted herself in front of her girlfriend who sat perched on the edge of the bed.

When Stella had requested dessert after dinner, Scully had agreed, but she worried if the blonde had sincerely wanted the chocolate cake more than the devilish smirk that Dana had given her. Stella’s eyes remained at her lap and ever so slightly glanced up at her girlfriend, trying to keep the emotions at bay as she watched her girlfriend pose for her.

Dana couldn’t help but feel a sting at her reaction, or lack thereof and stared at the blonde in slight confusion. Stella had gone ages without sex, and Dana assumed that with the excuse of their son being home in D.C., she’d have to nearly pry Stella off of her. Dana exhaled softly and sunk in front of Stella, placing her warm hands on the chilly surface of the blonde’s knees to rub them softly.

“Stella, I’m not here to force you into anything you don’t want to do,” Dana began, catching the attention of her girlfriend before continuing. “But you haven’t wanted to have sex in a long time, and you’re clearly not in the mood for anything tonight while we’re alone. So I just wanted to see how you’re feeling.”

Stella could see the faltering look in Dana’s eyes, and the worry alone caused her bottom lip to tremble as she scooted back onto the bed. Scully frowned at her reaction and slid beside her partner, waiting patiently as Stella took a nervous breath in preparation to speak.

“I feel gross.”

Her words took Scully by surprise as the normally confident Stella Gibson curled into the smallest ball in front of her. She had never seen this woman try and shrink herself, her will and want to become bigger in any room she walked into was a key point in her personality and Dana loved that about her. 

“What?” Scully questioned, watching Stella fight back her tears as she played with the hem on her shirt that she had pulled on before bed. The blonde knew that her reasonings weren’t justified, and felt horrible vocalizing them to the woman who vowed to stand by her, even if that meant months of scarce sexual contact. 

“Stella you can tell me anything, you know that,” Dana coaxed, lifting her chin to meet her sight line. The blonde nodded in assurance that she trusted Dana, but verbalizing her feelings felt like a lingering cloud of doom hanging over her.

“My body feels broken and different. I… I lost our baby and it felt like something inside of me shattered and like I didn’t deserve to feel as great as I do with you. I felt like you didn’t deserve to be with a body like this…” she began, her words thick with tears as she fought with her hormones and heartache, dropping her eyes back down to her lap.

Dana couldn’t help but feel moisture slide down her own cheeks at the sound of Stella’s words, gingerly cupping her face with enough care to ensure that she knew how loved she was.

“Then when we tried again, and it worked and I thought I’d be okay and feel better in my own skin. But things started changing and growing and I feel swollen and  _ large _ and that isn’t sexy for either of us,” she frowned, her unadulterated vulnerability with her partner shocking the both of them as she curled her legs underneath herself.

Dana blinked back her own tears and pulled her girlfriend into her arms and pressed a kiss onto her head, taking a moment to collect her thoughts after letting the gravity of Stella’s admission sit with her for a moment. She rubbed her head softly and gathered a handful of tissues from the nightstand before handing them over to Stella who was softly weeping.

“Stella Gibson, what happened to us –to you– was one of the hardest things that someone can experience. However what happened had nothing to do with you, your body’s abilities, nor your worth,” Scully began, her affirmations logical in Stella’s mind, but still managing to make her burst into a fit of tears.

“I love you more than our physical relationship. Is it an added plus that I enjoy? Definitely. But I love you for who you are and the wonderful heart you have. Plus, you said it yourself, pregnancy isn’t always a beautiful blossoming into motherhood, things get messy.”

Stella stared through watery eyes at the comment and nodded, feeling herself hiccup against Dana’s thrumming heart. “For what it’s worth, you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever gotten to love. Especially while carrying our daughter. You glow more than anyone else I’ve seen pregnant,” Dana urged, a devilish smile spreading across her face as Stella craned her head up to stare at the redhead.

“How do you always know what to say and when to say it?” Stella whispered, bringing an amused grin onto Scully’s face as she raised her chin in thought. Eventually she shrugged in defeat before letting her hand fall to their daughter’s sleepy movements.

“I only speak the truth, you know I’m bad at words,” she pointed out before winking at her girlfriend. Stella sighed and pushed herself out of Scully’s arms and took a deep breath before looking down at herself.

“I  _ do _ want to have sex with you, but I haven’t shaved my legs in ages and I know you won’t care, but I feel better with them shaved…” she sighed, staring down at the stubble that had begun to grow into long tufts of hair on her calves and thighs. Scully just smiled in understanding and held a hand up to Stella before vanishing into the bathroom for a moment.

The blonde sat up straighter to try and hear what was going on behind the closed door, her investigation getting interrupted by her emerging girlfriend. With a slight smirk and gleam in her eyes, Dana reached her hand out towards Stella and helped her to her feet.

Both women crept into the bathroom where the warm water ran into the giant bathtub, a razor neatly perched on the inner edge beside the wall. Stella raised an eyebrow and allowed Scully to wordlessly lead her towards the bath with a hungry glimmer in her blue irises.

With a nod Stella allowed Scully to slip the shirt over her head and slide her underwear off with an ease of experience. Cautiously she helped her girlfriend in, the wide tub large enough to fit four people easily, they had splurged on the suite and Dana was grateful for the almost ridiculous amount of space. 

Stella scooted herself to make room for her partner, but the redhead shook her head and continued to run the water until it covered Stella to keep her warm. The blonde raised her eyebrow in confusion as Dana took a spot beside the bath, reaching in to grab Stella’s now slick leg and prop it onto the ledge. The redhead lathered her hands with some of the soap and began to coat her leg before gliding the razor up her calf with a wink, careful not to knick her sensitive skin.

Stella watched her move as she leaned over her body, the robe shifting with each movement to reveal a hint of cleavage as she worked with a seductive bite of her bottom lip. As she moved her hands up to her thigh, Stella felt her breath catch in her throat as her fingers grazed the inside of her leg, tantalizing the sensitive spot.

“Dana…” the blonde moaned, but the redhead just shook her head as she finished up on her thigh, dropping her lips to the surface of her knee and dragging them up and towards her center.

“We have to be patient, I have to get to the other leg…” her breath hot against Stella’s inner thigh before pulling her face away with a devilish smirk. She grunted in frustration as Dana lowered her smooth leg back into the water before lifting the farther one against the edge, lathering her hands up once more.

With a wrinkle of her nose Stella watched as Dana glided the hair off of her body, working diligently with doctor level precision. Once the redhead began to finish up, Stella was nearly vibrating with desire, reaching out and pulling Dana towards her. Scully squealed as she slid into the depths of the pooling water, pressing her lips against Stella’s as she clamored to her knees. 

Slowly her lips trailed down from Stella’s and made contact with the hammering pulse in Stella’s throat, sucking greedily on the thrumming sensation after letting her tongue graze the spot. The blonde’s once closed eyes flew open with pleasure, moaning in delight for the first time in a while. Her head dropped to one side as her fingers trailed onto Dana’s shoulders to hold her in place, trying not to simply come from that contact alone.

Pillowy lips moved down from the now elevated pulse towards her grown breasts, grazing them gently in order to prevent any harm done to the sensitive area. Slowly, Dana let her dominant hand slide down the course of Stella’s body, coming into contact with her throbbing center.

With a shuddering gasp Stella dropped her head back and released a groan of anticipation as Dana’s fingers found her aching bundle of nerves. Slowly she began to rub against her clit, bringing a rush of warmth over the blonde who was now linking her arm around Dana’s neck, pulling her against her body. 

Feeling Stella’s increasing desire, Dana flicked her middle and index fingers into her opening and began pumping at a steady rhythm. She watched as Stella’s eyes pinched shut with all of her strength, rolling back as Dana continued at her steady speed.

“Dana, faster,” was all Stella could groan, her grip on the shorter woman tight as she felt herself building with pleasure. Dana did as she was told and quickened her speed, moving a leg over Stella’s thigh to straddle it and make use of her angle.

The blonde released a cry of pleasure as her walls tightened around her fingers, her hips nearly rising from the amplified sensation. Dana’s mouth instantly moved in contact with Stella’s hung jaw, her groans warm inside of her satisfied mouth.

“Let’s get out so I can fuck you,” the blonde growled as she came down from her high of pleasure. Dana just giggled and shook her head at the comment and unplugged the tub before helping Stella onto her wobbling legs. 

As they carefully climbed out, Stella clutched Dana’s protruding hip bones and backed her up against the sink. The redhead went to protest that this was her time to please Stella, but the blonde urged her not to try. Dana relaxed at the sensation and scooted herself higher onto the damp counter so Stella wouldn’t have to reach so low. Stella wasted little time tearing the soaked silk off of Dana’s heaving body, feeling the burning desire from deep within.

With a huff Stella attempted to lower herself between Dana’s legs, but the struggle was too much for her to try and venture on her own. Scully perked up and let her breathing steady before reaching down to help Stella back up with a discreet smirk.

“It’s  _ okay _ , I told you that I wanted to do this for you. I know how hard it can be while being so pregnant,” Dana urged, her sincere expression finally getting through to the frustrated blonde. With a huff of acceptance Stella pulled one of the hotel room robes over herself and relished in the warmth before offering one to her smaller girlfriend.

“I can’t wait for this baby to come out of me so I can fuck you all over,” Stella huffed as Dana chuckled and led her back into the room, crawling into the king sized bed before holding her arms out for her to relax into.

“Oh trust me fucking me is going to be the last thing on your mind after you have a baby,” Dana hummed as Stella made herself comfortable lying between her parted thighs against her chest.

“I doubt that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Let me know what you think!


	4. Dance Floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dana and Stella continue working to feel the warmth of home despite the location or circumstance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to StellaGBenson and gilliananderson for the ideas and beta!!

_ January _

Dana felt heavy. Their experience and loss in the last week weighed heavily on the resilient redhead who was trying her very best. Stella had confined herself to the bed during the first two days following her procedure, barely finding the will to drag herself out from under the covers and put on a facade for the rest of the world while she was hurting. Arthur struggled understanding why his mummy was so sad, but nevertheless made his way into her arms upon waking in the morning and from his much needed afternoon naps. 

However Dana fell in the background, wanting to try her very best to support her partner, without realizing she was in need of some as well. Tears had been wept, but Dana had yet to fully submit to the reality of what they had lost, she had to be the strong and functioning adult while Stella took her time to heal.

Slowly the blonde began to emerge from their bed during the days, interacting pleasantly with the small boy who was overjoyed that she had come out to play. Her involvement with their son picked up where she seemed to have left off, playing throughout the day, fixing meals, and giving baths. It was a relief at first to Dana, watching her interact with their son with so much enthusiasm, but upon putting him down for the night she watched as Stella retreated.

Their nights would go silent and Stella found herself back under the covers. It wasn’t noticeable at first, but eventually Dana caught on, and despite whatever changes she made throughout their daily routine, it always ended with her alone in the kitchen and Stella alone in the bedroom. 

She grit her teeth with the approach of each evening, praying that it would be different, but despite the changes made throughout the day Stella still found herself retreating to their bedroom for an early night. The helplessness began to set in and Dana was at a loss for what to do when her partner wouldn’t let her in to try and help. Her own wounds were raw and bleeding, but she slapped a bandaid over them and stifled her tears in the name of perseverance, Stella was in need of support and she intended to do what she could to help her.

However as they reached the one week mark Dana found herself tired and irritable with  _ everything _ . Somehow every surface she managed to clean ended up dirty within the blink of an eye, pets found their way onto the furniture, and their son had gained a burst of energy that she couldn’t seem to tame.

As five in the evening rolled around, Dana grumpily began to work on the dinner that she had meant to begin at three, their toddler screaming at her feet to be held. With her eyes pinched shut, the mother fought to find her composure and patience, but his hours-long meltdown seemed to have shortened her fuse drastically.

Tiny hands pulling and clawing at her pants was enough for her to simply toss the steamed bag of broccoli on the counter and growl in defeat. Snatching the phone off of the receiver, Dana dialed before scooping up the now startled boy who only increased his volume and pushed her face away in defiance.

“Mummy! I want mummy!” he wailed while squirming in her grasp, his lack of affection for the redhead simply due to their long day of heightened tension. However she couldn’t help but blame herself, with the chaos in their lives she worried if Arthur was getting enough of her time, and with his reaction she only felt a pang of defeat and bubbling guilt.

Dana could hear her voice faltering as she pleaded on the phone, at her wit’s end before hanging up. The little boy wailed and cried until he realized that Dana wasn’t giving in, eventually ducking his head under her chin to cry into her blouse. It wasn’t perfect, but a tantrum muffled into her shirt was somehow better than him screaming at her feet.

She wanted to simply toss in the towel and give up, everything she had done hadn’t made anyone’s situation better, and she felt horribly heavy at the memory of what had started this stint of frustration. 

_ She lost a baby. _

One that she wasn’t physically carrying, but that she carried just as equally in her heart. She felt desperate and lost, unwilling to ask her mourning girlfriend for comfort and support at this time. Stella had done her part picking up the pieces of Dana’s broken and mourning heart once before, and she wouldn’t ask her to do it while trying to heal herself at the same time. She couldn’t be selfish.

Plus there was the simple fact that Stella was in her own bubble of grief and loss, unwilling to let a soul in to try and help her. Her need to mourn as an individual overtook the need to heal as a family. 

She knew that logically Stella would be quite sensitive, both emotionally and physically, however what pained her was that the once intimate woman began to shy away from Dana and the warmth that she knew she craved so desperately. Stella was hurting and she didn’t know how to make it better.

With a whimpering sigh Dana brushed her lips over Arthur’s peachy head and let her own tears build as she desperately waited for help. His wails drew her patience up to her capacity and began to push her towards her emotional edge. How desperately she wanted to open the bedroom door and dump him onto the bed so that his blonde mother could properly soothe him as she always did, for her to hold her and give her the love she needed to calm down. But she knew better.

Before Dana could find it in her to sob or scream or shout, the front door unlocked and Monica shuffled inside. The brunette’s eyes softened at the sight as she moved in and scooped the distraught little boy from Dana’s arms, gently swaying him until he began to calm against her chest. Upon getting him settled, the taller woman reached her arm out and embraced Dana, feeling her finally give in and sob heavily into her forest green jacket.

Keeping her close, Monica held Dana tightly while she wailed. Arthur silenced at the sound, perking up and glancing down at his shorter mother and frowned, forgetting his tantrum before reaching down towards her face with concern.

“Mama sad?” 

Monica nodded kindly in his direction before softly shushing him back onto her shoulder. She let them all sit for a moment until Dana pulled away and sniffled, trying her hardest to put on a brave face. 

“He wouldn’t stop crying and  _ Stella— _ god I’m just fucking up in every way possible when it comes to her and my chest feels like it’s going to-!”

She cut herself off before she could finish, taking a trembling breath as she tried to find the composure that had begun to slip. Monica simply moved in a bit closer in case she was needed, but the redhead shook her head and hastily tried to wipe her tears.

“I just need a minute to… I need to take a…” she started to stammer, but Monica simply nodded and began cleaning up the mess that she had assumed driven Scully into this point of frustration.

“Take a moment,” she urged, watching Dana nod and gather her coat before rushing out of the front door with a hearty thud.

Noticing the broccoli on the counter, she carefully sliced it up along with some washed strawberries, mashed potatoes and chicken breast that Scully had warmed up for the small boy.

With a sigh Monica strapped Arthur into his booster seat on the chair and set his plate down in front of him to pick at, praying that he decided to simply eat what was prepared. Knowing he was secure in his spot, Monica made her way around the corner to find the door shut, Stella mindlessly folding some shirts from the laundry on the other side, her demeanor icier than usual.

“Stella?” Monica began, the sound of her voice making the blonde jump momentarily before setting the shirts onto the bed. Her eyes were tired and hazy as she tried to complete the task at hand, reluctantly accepting the help from her friend to fold some of the clothes.

“How are you doing hon?” 

Monica’s tone was carefully chosen, not pitying or condescending, but filled with the genuine concern of friendship. Stella shrugged at the question and continued working, her hands busy with the small task she had urged herself to do all day. She wasn’t deaf, and she certainly wasn’t stupidly oblivious, Dana needed help with the house and their son, and she hated that she couldn’t be the one to help her.

So she folded the laundry, her hands moving slower over the soft fabric of Arthur’s pajamas, her mind automatically going to the possibilities of their future. She had begun to strip their sheets after realizing that she had still been spotting, and wanted every trace of it gone from their shared space where they came together at the end of impossible days.

“I’m still spotting, but Dana said that’s normal. I had some cramping and it’s still kind of lingering, but I luckily didn’t get an infection or fever…” she trailed off, making Monica nod patiently before setting the clothes down.

“But, how are you doing besides that? How is your heart feeling?”

The question had stopped Stella in her tracks as her thumb nail found it’s way between her teeth, shifting back and forth on her feet as she tried to formulate a believable answer that would satisfy her intuitive friend.

With the lingering silence, Monica simply took the rest of the folding and finished up, letting Stella stare as she cleared her throat.

“You know, I never understood how hard it was to go through something like this until it happened to me. It’s an isolating kind of pain that makes you just want to crawl under the covers and never see the light of day again,” Monica began, her words catching Stella off guard.

_ “You do?” _

The brunette nodded and swallowed before brushing the comment aside. It was a part of her story, but she knew that this wasn’t the time that she was going to share all of it with the blonde. However, she did know that she could empathize greatly, which seemed to be helpful.

“I know your first instinct is to protect yourself, hell, it’s many people’s first instinct. You have grown since I first met you down in that basement, but when these ugly things come out and hurt us it’s only natural for us to want to build up our walls and push out those who are here to love us and be loved.”

Stella nodded slowly and could feel her eyes stinging as she listened. Monica paused and glanced in her direction before finishing up the folding, causing Stella to finally release her tears. “Did Dana call you? What’s going on? Is she worried or something?”

Stella’s voice wavered with uncertainty and a hint of defensiveness, but her friend just bit her lip and held her hand out for Stella to clutch. Carefully she led them both to the bench in front of the bed, wrapping her arm around her shoulders.

“She called me so I could come and help her out with some things. She’s taking a walk right now, but I figured that you were probably struggling out here all on your own. So I am here to tell you that this defense mechanism isn’t going to work because you are keeping out all of the people and things that are here to help you heal. As hard as it is, it will be much easier for you to lean on those who love than to suffer in silence.”

Stella nodded carefully and leaned her head onto her friend’s shoulder, only sniffling through a few tears as she lingered on her words. Monica took the comfortable silence as an opportunity to clear her throat and glance down at the exhausted blonde, her emotional toll taken clearly manifesting physically.

“Why don’t I take Arthur for the night or weekend. You and Dana need a minute to breathe, and I can bring him back when you are ready.”

Her offer was generous, but Stella wavered at it, not wanting to send the wrong message to the young boy or her partner that she couldn’t handle him. They needed to find their normal again, and that normal included Arthur.

“Stella, he will be fine with me I promise. But I do think that  _ you both _ could use it,” she urged, her words finally convincing the exhausted blonde who nodded with a quivering chin. With her permission granted, Monica carefully rose from her seat and vanished into the other room to ready him for his weekend away.

Knowing the washing machine would take ages, Stella retrieved a fresh set of sheets from the closet and tucked it over the mattress, making the bed for the both of them to finally retire upon Dana’s return.

Monica returned to the bedroom with Arthur in tow, bundled to face the blistering cold outside. It had taken a solid twenty minutes to get him out of the door, his cries nearly debilitating to the blonde mother who urged that she’d see him in the morning.

The door had shut and the apartment fell silent. It was an eerie sensation that caused goosebumps to run up her icy skin. With a stabilizing breath Stella wandered into the bathroom and undressed in the privacy of the four walls around her, turning on the water in the small shower.

With a sigh she shampooed her unwashed hair, scrubbing her body for a moment before stepping out and onto the mat. Quickly she threw on a pair of old pajamas, her sexy silk pieces tempting her to toss them into the garbage bin without a second thought. She paced the bedroom in an attempt to formulate the words that she wanted to say to her girlfriend. She wanted to let her in, lacking experience with this situation they found themselves in but she knew that she didn’t want to do it without her.

Carefully Stella smoothed out the comforter and propped the pillows up on the headboard, her stomach twisting at the weight of the week. Her heart hurt with guilt as she recalled Arthur’s confused pleas for her, Dana’s gentle touch, and plethora of people that she had let down in the past week. 

Scully had called Maggie, the older woman away in San Diego when it had happened, the joyful news turned sour when Stella insisted that she couldn’t share the news herself to the woman who had become a mother to her in more ways than one. She had made the redhead share what she couldn’t, and the thought made her sick. It was her procedure, her mishap, her loss and she should’ve been able to put on her big girl pants and tell Maggie herself.

She didn’t know what else to do as she waited for the woman she loved, her heart heavy as she shuffled out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. To her surprise it was cleaned and tidy, the food packed away with the sponge wrung out and set on the holder. Monica truly was an angel sent from above, and the blonde wondered how they’d come to cope without her.

Knowing Scully had most likely foregone dinner for her walk, Stella dug out a frozen eggplant parmesan and shoved it into the oven, lightly pacing the area before vanishing back into the bedroom knowing the timer was set. The hardwood was cold under her feet, so she dug out a pair of thick socks and slipped them on her feet when the sound of the opening door distracted her. 

Swallowing thickly she heard feet cross the hall and vanish into the bathroom without a word. Dana’s voice was soft as she flicked on the fan to drown out her settling sniffles, making Stella’s heart drop. She knew the redhead needed her space to deal with whatever was bothering her, so she remained perched on the edge of the bed slipping on her socks.

Eventually she heard the door crack open, but Dana simply shuffled towards Arthur’s room and closed the door. The sound was loud enough to make Stella wince, the distance had been made between them, and she couldn’t help but feel the sting of Dana’s absence. 

Quietly she wandered towards their son’s once nursery, now recently converted bedroom. Nerves ate away at her as she pushed the door open, noticing Dana curled in their son’s tiny bed in the corner. His comforter was pulled over her body as a steady trail of tears rolled down her face and onto his pillow, the sight nearly making Stella sick with heartache.

Slowly she inched towards her girlfriend, placing a gentle hand on her arm before climbing behind her, pulling the trembling redhead into her arms. 

“Why are you sleeping in here?”

Stella felt her stiffen momentarily before the redhead let out a hearty sob, catching her off guard completely. The blonde held her close until Dana managed to turn over in her arms, keeping her eyes down as she sobbed in her embrace. For once Stella didn’t know what to say, staring at the woman who was so desperately trying to fight back her tears.

“This has been hard for me too.”

Scully’s words were small and broken, the desire to keep up her strong mask exhausting as it crumpled completely. Stella nodded patiently and watched her wipe away the tears that were blurring her eyes, reaching a hand out to place on her damp cheek.

“I have wanted to be the selfless partner in all of this, but it feels— it feels like there’s a hole in my chest and I can’t get rid of it. Then you started to close yourself off and I don’t know what else I can do! I don’t know what else you need from me and I hate that I’m crying over this when I should be helping you!”

Stella frowned and pulled Dana close to her chest, using her arm to embrace her warmly and rub her back. Stella shifted in the tiny bed so that Dana was comfortably pressed against her chest, moving her hand into the warmth of her hair to gingerly rub her head.

“It’s a hard thing, Dana. You lost something too and I don’t expect you to be perfect or unfeeling in this. I’m sorry if I pushed you away or out, I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to pick up all my pieces. I didn’t realize that I pushed you and your pain away and neglected that as well. None of this is your fault and I’m sorry if I made you think that you weren’t enough.” 

Stella watched as Dana nodded and wiped another batch of tears off of her face, leaning in to listen to the steady hum of the blonde’s heart. They knew in the future they’d be able to try again, but for now they needed the time to heal together as a family. Ever so slowly, Stella reached over and kissed the smooth surface of her nose, moving down for a proper kiss on her lips. Both women melted into one another’s touch before breathing some of the life back into each other until the smell of the food in the oven made Stella jump out of the bed in a panic.

“Fuck!” 

Her loud cursing caused Dana to follow in a panic, her socks silent behind the stomping blonde who grabbed a damp rag to pull out the smoking pan from the oven, dropping it with a screech into the sink. They both stood silently as Stella cradled her injured hand, muttering profanities under her breath at the burnt eggplant that had been cooked at too high of a temperature.

Dana could see the budding tears in her eyes at the failed attempt of a normal evening on Stella’s part, pulling her close into a warm embrace, the both of them lingering as the redhead chuckled flatly while swaying her. 

“I’ll call takeout, from wherever you want. I think we both deserve something that wasn’t frozen from our emergency stash. Plus it’s late,” she offered into Stella’s ear, making her nod slowly before going to pull away, but Dana simply drew her back in and lingered for another moment.

“I like dancing with you,” Dana shrugged while staring up at Stella’s freshly washed face, her expression softening at the comment, admitting to herself that she too enjoyed the feeling of her girlfriend close especially while she ached. 

“I like dancing with you too,” Stella grinned as they sat for a minute, the refrigerator light glowing through the cracked door as they found themselves in their own little world amidst the settling smoke in the sink. Some of the pieces finding their way back to where they had once resided, the glue being the evolving love for one another that held them together despite every drop and fall.

  
  


…

  
  


Both women sat sprawled out on their kitchen floor with a table cloth spread out beneath them while picking at the largest pizza Dana could order. Both women were sick and tired of the meals that they had cooked in advance for busy days like these, and she couldn’t help but beam at the sight of Stella consuming her pieces with a slight grin on her face.

“I’ve missed…us,” she whispered, making Dana glance up from her food and nod with a trying smile. She knew that Stella wasn’t one to wear her heart on her sleeve, so every bit of expression was carefully thought out and deliberate. Dana set her food down in the pizza box before taking Stella’s hand and squeezing it.

“You’re allowed to be sad and struggle, just let me be there with you. I want to be able to stand by your side when things get too hard for you to handle,” Dana shrugged, her words making Stella perk up with confusion and almost surprise as she squeezed her partner’s hand.

“What are you talking about? You never left.”

With the comment Dana felt a release in her chest as she moved in closer, leaning her head on Stella’s shoulder after retrieving her slice, nibbling on the corner. It wasn’t completely fixed, their shared pain was something that was felt, and Stella’s fears and doubts still plagued her brain, but she knew that they at least had one another.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


…

_ Present _

  
  
  


Dana and Stella were moving. With a baby on the horizon, and constant talk of the shift from the tiny apartment into a home finally came into fruition after months of hypothetical talk of the move. They had gotten the call upon boarding their flight home from New York, and one week later the home they were to begin renting was available for them to begin moving their belongings into it.

It was a bigger task than either woman had anticipated it to be, underestimating how much stuff came with a family of three. The available Scullys had lent their services for the day, along with Monica and a toddling Angelica who thankfully kept an eager Arthur distracted while they tried to move their belongings out of the apartment.

Stella had been stubbornly sidelined by every party involved, forced to package the plates and silverware into the box that resided within an arm’s reach. The apartment had been mostly emptied except for lingering belongings while Charlie or Andrew drove and unloaded belongings into the spacious home in the Virginia suburb.

Logically both women knew that this was the best option, the home was large and spacious, with large clear and frosted windows taking up the wall space to let in fresh sunlight in the hallways. Arthur loved the small koi ponds in the front yard and the grassy backyard was enough for both children to enjoy as they grew. It was a beautiful place that they spoke about purchasing as time went on and their lives settled, but for now it was perfect.

The four spacious bedrooms were enough for each person to fit comfortably with space for a guest room if anyone decided to visit. It was the perfect fit for them and they knew it, but it didn’t make the move any less emotional as they packed up their lives. Monica would no longer be a whisper away, and Maggie felt even farther, tugging on their heartstrings.

As Stella finished up the sound of footsteps up the dreaded staircase down the hall caused her to glance up and smile at Dana. The redhead sighed as she fixed her once deemed maternity overalls, now simply classified as comfy moving wear with some extra room for bending and lifting.

Stella could notice the moisture in her eyes as she looked at the mostly empty apartment, abandoning the sealed box on their counter before joining her girlfriend in what used to be her living room. Carefully she set a hand on her shoulder and hummed softly as the redhead looked around, taking it all in before having to say goodbye one last time.

“So much has happened here,” Dana finally breathed, walking aimlessly towards their bedroom with a fond smile on her face as if her memories were being played out for her as she caressed every room with care. Stella watched as she brushed her running shoe over the spot in front of where their bed used to reside, a smile forming on her face before looking up at Stella.

“Remember when I couldn’t get my pants on and then I asked you to be my girlfriend?” her smirk wide as the blonde scoffed and nodded in response, moving behind her partner to wrap her arms around her as best as possible.

“Remember when you threw up on my shoes and then we  _ kind of _ fucked in the bathroom?” Stella joked before placing a kiss on the corner of her neck, resulting in an involuntary moan from Dana. The redhead swiftly pulled herself away before raising an eyebrow at the blonde in an effort to condemn the sexual behavior with family milling around.

“I also nearly pushed our son out right where we are standing so don’t get any ideas,” Dana tried to divert, but Stella simply shook off the comment and spun Scully around to face her with a gleam in her eye. “You were marvelous that day, no matter what you say,” she teased, but the sentiment in her voice was genuine as they led each other out of the bedroom and into the now bare nursery, making both of their eyes well up at the sight of it and what it represented.

“Say goodbye to your old guest room,” Dana joked through what sounded like muffled tears in reference to the beginning of their relationship when Stella was simply a generous friend, staying over to help Scully with the crushing amount of grief that she found herself buried under. When she found herself wandering down the halls in the peaked moon’s spilling light, finding her way into Stella’s room to simply sit and be with her, not knowing the blonde was quietly waiting to help. Where they had vowed that they would continue with their lives as partners in the form of the ring that sat on Dana’s finger, awaiting the arrival of their son.

Both women bid a silent goodbye to the bathroom where they had come together for the first time as a couple, their bodies and hearts melding in a way that was incredibly them. It was where Stella held Dana with all of her might while sprawled on the tiny shower floor soaked to the bone as their son made his dramatic entrance into the world, unsure if her heart would be able to handle the drastic influx of emotions as she embraced her partner.

It was a place of loss and heartache, Dana holding the pieces of Stella together when the blonde was sure she would simply break. Both women could feel it, the drastic shift of their lives while in the arms of one another, the sentiment delicately inverse of one another, but resilient in the fact that they emerged with the other by their side.

Once cupboards were checked, both women found themselves in their kitchen hand in hand, taking one final look at everything with watery eyes. Stella could see the overwhelming emotion in her girlfriend as she recalled every memory linked with the small place, prompting Stella to squeeze her hand to catch her attention.

“May I have one last dance?” 

Scully swallowed back tears before nodding at her girlfriend, trying to get as close as possible to her with the growing stomach that barricaded her out. Despite their struggle to press up against one another, Dana found herself resting her head on Stella’s heart while reveling in the tumbling movements of their daughter felt against the both of them. The redhead desperately fought to preserve these memories, slowly swaying through whatever moment they needed to get through together. The act of physically leaning on one another until they could find it within themselves to brave the next moments, was one that Dana kept tucked away in her heart when she needed an extra bit of strength and love.

Stella hummed softly as they both moved, relishing in the feeling of Dana being close, of their daughter being contently rocked into a late afternoon nap, their future on the horizon while their past sat comfortably where it needed to be. They had built the foundation of their family in this home, and they were ready to step out of it and into a space with the room to grow and flourish.

“I think it’s time we go and enjoy our new dance floor, and let someone else enjoy this one,” Stella whispered after a few moments, pressing a kiss into the crown of her shorter girlfriend’s hair. Dana nodded into Stella’s t-shirt before pulling away and gripping her hand as they moved to embark on this new endeavor.

Taking the box from the counter, Dana whispered a silent word of gratitude to the place that had been so good to her and her little family over the years, following Stella out of the door and placing the keys in the drop box.

  
  


…

  
  
  
  


The night winded down with the large group of family vowing to return and help with the unpacking despite the fact that most of the house had been completed thanks to the various hands that had worked throughout the day. The mid November moon rose high in the air and Stella carefully pushed open the glass door that led out to the wooden porch outside of the master bedroom. 

Dana sat shivering on the deck swing with her socked feet curled beneath her body, smiling warmly at the sight of Stella and a warm blanket in tow. With gentle care, Dana helped her sit beside her and draped the warm flannel over the both of them. Stella sighed as they both silently settled into their new home with a fondness that they couldn’t pinpoint, brushing her hand up and down the slope of what she believed to be her giant stomach. Dana smiled at the action and moved her hand beside the blonde’s, giving their daughter a loving rub before placing a kiss on Stella’s shoulder.

“Mmm she likes when you touch her and talk to her,” Stella hummed while relaxing against the chair, letting Dana shift in her seat and lay her head into her girlfriend’s lap to position her cheek against her stomach. Stella giggled at the feeling of a foot or elbow making contact with her girlfriend’s face, the nudges being replaced by the feeling of Dana’s breathy chuckles and kisses against the surface of her skin.

“Well I hope she continues to enjoy it because I have a whole bunch of stories to tell her, and kisses to give,” she muttered as Stella grazed her fingers through her hair, moving down to massage the tense muscles in Dana’s shoulders from moving all day.

“I’m excited to do this with you again, these new adventures are always more exciting with you by my side,” Stella smiled as Dana poked herself up and over the peak of her stomach, resting her head on the curve to stare at her girlfriend with admiration.

“I’m excited too,” she smiled as their day came to a peaceful close, simply celebrating the unrequited joy of being together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think!


	5. Blush & Bashful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some family fluff! We'll get back to some of the nitty gritty next chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to StellaGBenson for the help as always and msgilliana for the beta:)

It started with Dana slamming her thigh painfully into the corner of Stella’s nightstand, her journal toppling to the floor with a hearty thud. The redhead had cursed as she watched clipped images and pages tumble out of the front cover, reaching over to gather the spilled contents before stopping. She knew better than to invade her girlfriend’s privacy by flipping through the pages and reading the contents of the journal, but noticed the magazine clippings that had fallen out.

She saw pink cakes and cupcakes, frilly ribbon trim on tables, catered food, fresh fruit creations and goodie bags tied together with cream strings. Dana softened at the images and felt a tug at the corners of her mouth, grinning with delight and slight shock.

_ Stella wanted a baby shower. _

Dana could kick herself, she hadn’t even thought to ask her after everything they had gone through to get pregnant this second time, and the last thing she thought Stella would want was a baby shower. However, she had been wrong and felt her stomach tighten knowing that they had a limited amount of time to pull this off.

Without missing a beat Dana scrambled to the phone and called Maggie with an idea of what the blonde wanted, but her mother simply assured her that she would take care of it all. With only a few minutes of hasty planning of when both women would be available, the second weekend in November was to be the day that they’d celebrate Stella and all she had accomplished in her eight long months. 

With the journal returned to her bedside table and the call ended, Dana scooped up the small toddler who was nearly vibrating at her feet with the mention of Stella’s return from her long night at work. With Arthur on her hip, Dana moved into the large bathroom for the exciting moment of the day for the toddler, bath time. 

His tiny hands tapped against the surface of her cheek as she balanced him on her lap while taking a seat on the toilet lid. She switched the water on in the tub of their new bathroom, letting Arthur linger in her arms for a little while longer. 

It was no lie that the little boy loved his mothers dearly, but there were times where he would gravitate towards the blonde for kisses and cuddles over Dana. Their now differing schedules making it difficult to be home together all of the time. Given Scully’s decision to take up some autopsy shifts, she often found herself rushing between buildings and back home. She loved the feeling of the small boy in her arms, and found herself even more grateful for the time they did have together.

Once the water filled to a safe depth, she happily stripped the toddler of his clothes and pullup, eager to get him fully potty trained by the time that the new baby was born. Dana placed the little boy in the water with care and recalled the weekend both women had spent babysitting before Arthur was born, how she had glimmered with excitement over bath time with her own baby boy.

Pouring the shampoo into her hands, she carefully scrubbed his soft hair before dabbing a soapy finger on his nose. The toddler giggled at the action and began to melt into Dana’s touch, leaning his head into her hand with a sleepy yawn and pucker of his Mulder-esque lips. Dana couldn’t help but smile at the features that his father had passed down, emerging as he grew older.

With the sound of the back door closing, Arthur perked up and reached his slippery fingers onto the edge of the tub to try and catch a glimpse of whoever had arrived. Scully hastily finished washing him as the sound of heavy footsteps made their way into the large master bathroom.

“Mummy!” he squealed at the sight of the blonde, her tired expression perking up as she stared at the sudsy boy in the bath, and Dana knelt in front of him.

“Arthur! Mama!” her response equally enthusiastic towards both the boy and Dana as she lowered herself out of her impossible heels and kicked them aside, trudging towards the large bathtub to try and kneel beside her girlfriend. Dana placed a damp hand on Stella’s back and gripped her arm with the other to balance her until she sunk completely at her side.

“This is getting harder and harder,” Stella muttered as she settled on the fluffy bath mat, placing a tender kiss onto Dana’s lips before leaning in to kiss her son’s soapy hair. Dana wasted little time rinsing his wiggling form and unplugging the basin, Arthur now uninterested with his toy boats and ducks and eager to spend time with his two mothers who stared at him lovingly.

Stella grabbed the brown bear towel and covered his red hair with the hood, drying him off while humming to him. Dana swiftly scooped him up and set him on the mat before linking her hands underneath Stella’s arms to pull her onto her feet. 

“Baby!” Arthur smiled upon seeing Stella straighten out, Dana now lifting him into one arm towards the bed where she had laid out his pajamas and  _ sleepy time  _ lotion. Both women had spent extensive time explaining to him that there was indeed a baby inside of Stella, not one of his bouncy balls or sofa cushions, the difference especially important given his eagerness to crash and climb all over her. 

“Baby sister, that’s right,” Dana smiled as she dressed him in a new set of planet pajamas, slipping socks onto his tiny feet. With a smiley expression he nodded up at his redheaded mother, clamoring towards Stella and lifting her blouse up without warning as she laid on the bed.

“Gentle, remember gentle with mummy and the baby,” she urged as he nodded thoughtfully, placing two hands on either side of Stella’s stomach before pressing his face against the baby’s rolling movements. “Wow, she loves your kisses Arthur,” Stella smiled, brushing her fingers tiredly through his damp hair.

Both women watched as he curled into the limited amount of space of her lap, his small arms still attempting to wrap themselves around the large expanse of Stella’s significant belly. Dana watched as the blonde shifted herself higher onto their pillows and headboard, exhaling with a breath of discomfort.

“Baby, oh baby-,” Dana began, but Stella just shook her head in her direction before carefully peeling the sleepy boy off of her stomach and into her arms. Dana watched happily as Arthur nuzzled himself further into the familiar scent of her neck, drifting off after his full day of playing at the park and duck pond with Maggie. Both women wanted nothing more than to simply nod off at the end of long days, but it was often the only true time they got together, so pushing through some of the fatigue was worth it.

“I’ll be okay if you shove some pillows where I tell you to and yank this fucking skirt off of me,” Stella whispered with a smirk, shifting their son on her chest while curling his bottom onto the top of her bump. Dana chuckled and did as she was told, helping Stella into a pair of flowery pajama pants that she knew were her favorite.

“Let me know when and I can put him down,” Dana offered while scooting up to Stella on the bed, crawling beside her to press her lips against her smooth skin, but the blonde just wrinkled her nose and began to nod off as well.

“We’ll be just fine.”

  
  
  
  
  


….

  
  
  
  


After Charlie and Andrew had shown up to collect Arthur on the chilly Saturday morning, Dana exhaled slowly and fixed her freshly ironed hair in the hall mirror. Stella was still spending ages in the bathroom readying herself for what she had explained to be an overdue brunch with Maggie, when in reality the party was waiting anxiously for them to get on the road.

Dana was clad in a violet pencil dress with her feet clad in a pair of sensible heels, unable to make it through the long day in a pair of Stella’s stilettos. With a giddy breath, she pulled her coat on and made sure the doggy door was unlatched for an eager Marci who pulled herself up on the gate.

“We have to go to a party little girl, but we’ll be back soon,” she whispered into her wet nose, placing a kiss on the tiny dog’s head before wandering back into the bedroom to check on Stella. The blonde was finishing up her hair before turning to face Dana with a weary huff, still clad in an impossibly tight grey t-shirt and sweats while shifting in discomfort. Scully pursed her lips and wrapped her arms around Stella’s back, snaking them under her stomach to carefully lift and hold it to reduce the uncomfortable pressure in her back that she could recall having.

“Better?” 

Stella nodded happily and reached back to palm Scully’s cheek before the redhead released her. Both women stared at the two dresses laid out on the bed, both slightly differing shades of pale pink.

“One’s color is blush and the other’s is bashful. I think that those are quite stupid names for a color that isn’t even a shade off, just call it pink and less pink,” she shrugged towards Dana. The redhead’s heart squeezed as she stared at the options, Stella was someone who operated with darker colors in her wardrobe, the off brand options on the bed telling Dana that she had gone out and purchased these items with a baby shower in mind. 

“It’s a line from a movie, love. Julia Roberts’ bridesmaids wear dresses called blush and bashful,” Dana explained while running her hand over the first dress, the material thick enough to keep her warm beneath the coat that she now wore everywhere. The soft wrap material seemed comfortable enough, similar to the tops she would wear into work, urging her to choose that one.

Stella accepted the suggestion and peeled the barely fitting shirt off while Dana worked on her sweats before sliding the dress on. Chewing on her bottom lip, Stella stared down her array of heels wearily, taking a pair of nude ones out of the closet. Dana watched as she attempted to shove her feet into them, but the amount of time it took to attempt them onto her feet caused her to grumble and kick them aside.

“I need a pair of those stupid flats,” she frowned towards Scully who bit back a giggle and retrieved a box from the closet. She had purchased a pair ages ago for Stella, knowing how picky she was with her footwear. 

Scully pulled out a pair of nude ballerina flats with an elastic strap that wrapped daintily around Stella’s ankle, sliding it onto her foot. Stella shrugged at the shoe, sighing that it would have to do until this baby came out of her and she could go back to her chic style.

“What kind of restaurant is your mom taking us to that we are getting so dolled up for?” Stella grumbled as they both worked to get the second shoe on.

Dana just bit her tongue and shrugged in her direction, offering the blonde her jacket to pull over her clothes before waving her down the hall to get them both on the road before her mother killed her or her girlfriend caught on.

  
  
  
  


…

  
  


As they pulled up, Dana breathed a sigh of relief that the guests had parked themselves around the corner, leaving Maggie’s home vacant and unsuspecting. The redhead had pulled some strings and had managed to bring out some big surprises for the blonde who sat innocently beside her in the car napping peacefully.

Dana smiled and carefully nudged her before jumping out to grab the door for her. The blonde blinked the sleep out of her eyes and accepted the outstretched hand from the redhead before hauling herself to her feet. Stella could feel the excitement radiating from her girlfriend as they approached the front door, Maggie swinging it open before Dana even got the chance to knock.

“Stella love, oh God get inside!” Maggie cried at the sight of her expectant daughter-in-law barely catching her footing on the stoop before the older woman dragged her inside. 

Dana trailed after them both, muttering warnings that Stella could slip with the tracked in ice from the yard. Once she caught up with them both, Maggie released her, allowing Dana to grip Stella’s arm as the living room lights flicked on and the group shouted a somewhat aggressive  _ ‘surprise’ _ in their direction.

“Fuck!” Stella yelped, nearly jumping out of her own skin as individuals appeared out of nowhere. 

Dana steadied her until she calmed down at the sight of the decorated house, making her eyes instantly fill. Dana was shocked at how fast her emotions had reacted to the party, gathering a handful of tissues just in case the blonde needed them.

Tables lined the inside of the living room where a mountain of gifts sat over a cream tablecloth, the edges lined with a plethora of flowers. As she quickly took it all in, she saw flowers all over; Dana’s suggestion that they bring a floral element into the theme was not lost on Maggie. Violas, snowdrops, daphnes, and English primroses were bunched and spread throughout the house, leaving a lovely scent for the blonde to breathe in through her now puddling tears.

“How did you…I never mentioned a baby shower?” Stella instantly wept while turning to face Dana with complete shock, making her girlfriend blush and squeeze her hand. 

“I was a bad girlfriend and didn’t ask, but I smacked my thigh on your nightstand and knocked your journal and magazine clippings fell out, plus I also saw the _ blush and bashful  _ dresses you bought in the closet.”

Stella chuckled at the answer and kissed her softly before turning to face the grinning group now mingling softly in the background. With a knowing grin, Stella embraced Maggie who tenderly stroked her blonde hair while holding her tightly in her arms.

“Oh honey I hope you like it,” her words kind to the younger woman who clung to her for some much appreciated love. Stella chuckled at the comment before pulling away to take it all in. 

Friends lingered inside with Tara beaming happily on the other side of the sofa, elated to have surprised the blonde with a last minute trip back from California. Stella’s insistence and craving for Italian food was satisfied with the steaming catering trays that sat on burners on the kitchen counter. 

A lavish cake sat in the corner surrounded by more bunches of flowers and foliage, decorated in white icing and matching iced flowers. Unanticipated emotion bubbled up in Stella’s chest as she read the inscription on the top of the cake.

_ We Love You Baby Girl Gibson-Scully _

Before she could find the will to clear her throat and thank everyone, Dana tapped Stella on the shoulder before opening the front door. Dani and her wife Sloane stumbled into the house, jet lagged and exhausted, but full of excitement as the younger redhead clutched an infant in her arms, dressed in a white dress and pink hat. 

Dana watched as Stella’s expression morphed, unchecked tears now falling down her cheeks as she moved to pull her friend into her arms. Dani was the one friend that Stella managed to keep despite all of the years, heartache, and miles of distance. She was the one friend she had called when she basked in the news of her first pregnancy, eager to share this time with her as Dani was expecting as well at the time, and had called up again in tears that February after keeping her in the dark for ages.

Following the news that Stella was pregnant again, Dani had called Scully to figure out a time for their visit, and with the imminent arrival of the baby, they had eventually worked it out for a last minute trip. Scully knew that moving to a new country with very few reminders of home had to be hard on Stella, and worked tirelessly to try and bring her friend to her in this vital time for her.

Sloane carefully pried the baby out of Dani’s arms before Stella could slam into her, catching both partners by surprise as Scully quietly greeted Sloane and cooed at the tiny baby in her arms. Stella and Dani deserved a moment, and thankfully the rest of the party had gone back to socializing while both women wept at each other, a mess of hormones all wrapped up with the bow of a long distance friendship.

“Aw Stella you look amazing, I can’t get over it,” Dani cried while placing a hand on the side of her stomach after receiving a consenting nod from the blonde, gently grazing it before turning to face Scully and Sloane who were simply watching them interact with silent grins. Before Stella could respond, Dani brushed a hand over her arm and shook her head at the mother of the hour.

“We need to catch up later though, you have tons of people who are  _ dying _ to talk to you,” she urged before moving to greet Dana. Stella nodded at the comment and slowly made her way towards the small groups, greeting some of Scully’s family that she had mingled with her that she had become acquainted with. It was an odd sentiment, knowing people were eagerly waiting to get a moment of her time, causing a flush to spread across her cheeks.

Tara managed to make her way through the group and embraced her sister-in-law, their bond a unique one that had blossomed after Bill had been through the thick of it with his anger management program. She had been good to Tara and the older woman appreciated having her in her corner, making it even harder to return back to California after Arthur had been born.

They mingled for a bit until Dana promptly placed a steaming plate of spaghetti into Stella’s hands, urging her to eat with the warning of games on the horizon. However the blonde simply shrugged and winked at her partner, unfazed by the prospect of the guests having to guess the due date, finish baby bottles of apple juice, and decorate onesies for her liking. Stella secretly reveled in it, loving the feeling of those in her life celebrating the little girl that she had worked so hard for.

“Alright, let’s go play some games.”

  
  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  


Dani and Sloane had promised to visit the next afternoon, explaining their need to settle with the baby in their hotel for a night. Stella had been secretly grateful and groaned as she made her way down the longer hallway of their new home, but what she stumbled upon was enough to make her heart burst.

Dana and Arthur sat on the deck of their bedroom porch, the little boy curled in Dana’s lap as he pointed with excitement at the unknown. Both were perched on a thick picnic blanket to save their bottoms from the hard wood, the outdoor furniture cushions piled around for them to lie on. With a sigh, she slid the glass door open and clutched a fluffy blanket in her hands, using the wooden table to help lower herself down to their level. The shift of the deck caused Dana to jump, startled by Stella’s presence. 

“What are you telling mama about?” she questioned while situating herself between Dana’s legs, draping the thick blanket over the both of them to keep warm. 

“Stars! So shiny!” Arthur exclaimed as he pointed towards the glowing patch of stars in the sky with wide eyes, their placement out of the city making them much more visible to their curious little boy. 

Dana couldn’t help but smile at the comment, recalling the countless amount of times that she and Mulder had joked about the burning balls of fire in the sky, but how Scully’s analytical eye never failed to take the wonder from him. Arthur stared in awe as they danced in the sky, glancing over at his mothers who were curled up together, climbing under the blanket to join them and stare.

“So shiny,” Dana hummed, rubbing his head as he curled into the space between her arm and body. He giggled at his mother’s comment and nuzzled into them as they watched the sky, the silence prompting him to scoot himself up and tug on Dana’s blouse with a curious raise of his eyebrow.

“Baby?” his question catching her off guard as Stella craned her neck to see what he was mentioning, but Dana just shrugged and nodded in his direction before pressing her hand against Stella’s stomach for him to watch.

“In mummy’s belly, remember? She’s right here,” she reminded, Stella now watching as he nodded in understanding, worming out of her arms to tug on Stella’s dress. Thankfully her legs were covered by the blanket, at the rate in which he pulled on the material to get a better look at what was truly happening in terms of this so-called sister.

“Once upon a time you lived in mama’s tummy like that,” Stella pointed out, making Arthur tilt his head in confusion as he went back and forth between both of his mothers. 

“Too big? Mummy…” he began to whimper, both of them watching in confusion as he shook his head over Stella’s comment. One day they knew that they’d sit their children down and explain the way their family came to be built, but for now they knew that their almost three-year-old was simply confused.

“You were tiny just like your sister, and you kicked mama’s tummy and took naps with me, and we ate lots of tacos,” Scully narrated as he abandoned Stella’s now exposed stomach to crawl back into Dana’s arms. She was shocked to find him listening intently as he nuzzled his chin onto her confusingly flat stomach.

“Cheese?” his exclamation holding a tone of urgency and excitement as he clung to Dana’s lilac dress. 

“Yes, we both  _ loved _ cheese,” she chuckled before leaning down to kiss their sleepy boy. She smiled feeling him begin to settle in her arms, Dana’s warmth and scent lulling him to sleep with an impressive amount of time as usual.

“Stel, he fell asleep on me without even needing his blanket or anything,” Dana grinned, shifting Stella in her grip so she could see the blonde’s face while she spoke to her with the same back support that she had been providing.

“Good, because I don’t know how much more of this position I can take,” she replied with a grunt, sitting herself up to allow Dana to slip out from behind and hoist the sleeping toddler onto one hip. Knowing that Stella wouldn’t be able to make it off of the floor by herself, the redhead carefully set Arthur onto the swing before returning to her partner.

“Okay I’m going to lift,” Dana whispered while moving behind Stella and linking her elbows underneath her armpits. With one swift pull the blonde found herself on her feet, the smaller woman impressively strong for her petite size, her job handling dead weight no match for all of the heavy lifting that her life required.

Once Stella was steady, Dana carefully retrieved their son and walked him back into his new bedroom. He had lasted a solid night before retreating to their bedroom with tearful eyes, the mothers having to make the trek with him back to his own room each time. However they hoped that his eventful day with his uncles was enough to get him through the night without a nightmare. Dana carefully tucked him in while Stella inched herself over his sleeping frame with some measured breaths and concentration, pecking his head with a smile.

“Goodnight my little bear,” Stella whispered into his hair before waddling out of the bedroom with her hand linked in Dana’s. 

She could recall the night of Dana’s baby shower, and how spent she was, secretly commending her for attending a hectic family dinner the following day while carrying their son. Stella had half a mind to stay in bed completely until Dani and Sloane were scheduled to visit the following afternoon. 

Her feet throbbed despite the flatter shoes, and she wanted nothing more than to peel off her uncomfortable clothes and climb into bed. She had contemplated a shower, but at the rate she was going at she’d be lucky if her makeup got removed and clothes changed.

Dana watched as Stella climbed onto the bed, laying back with a momentous grunt of exhaustion. With a small curve of her lips she disappeared into the bathroom and retrieved a package of makeup wipes and began to fill the bathtub with warm water, knowing Stella would just boil over if it was too hot.

“I know you’re sleepy and sore, but you’re going to feel worse if you fall asleep like this,” Dana urged as she began pulling Stella’s hair out of her face, using one of the makeup wipes to get most of it off.

She removed the flats off of Stella’s feet carefully, the elastic hugging her swollen ankles leaving deep indentations in her skin. The blonde sighed upon the release and uttered a grateful groan as Dana massaged them slowly, not lingering because she knew with a minute more of attention Stella would be fast asleep. 

“The bath should be filled, it should soothe your muscles and help you sleep better,” Dana urged as she helped her girlfriend into the sitting position, pulling the dress up and over her head after she had urged her to help. 

As she grabbed her pink robe from the hook and draped it over her shoulders, Stella reluctantly allowed Dana to pull her to her feet and made the heavy trek towards the bathroom where the scent of lavender and peppermint menthol filled the air. 

Dana unclasped the blonde’s bra with ease and watched as she finished undressing, stepping into their spacious bath with less grace than she would’ve liked to admit. Stella wasted little time getting settled as Dana crawled between the wall and the edge, near the blonde’s head to pin up her long blonde locks. 

Slowly she moved her hands down to the achingly tight muscles of her shoulders, massaging them while Stella released a groan of breaking tension. Once Scully felt the knots crack beneath her fingers, she slowly began to lather Stella’s tired skin with the soap, kneading at the reachable spots that had been bothering her. She watched as their daughter contorted her stomach with her active movements, making Stella grumble before shifting how she was sitting.

“She needs a name,” the blonde finally huffed as Scully squeezed her arms to release some lingering tension. Dana raised an eyebrow and shrugged before reaching over to try and steady the eager little girl who was nearly kicking her way out. 

“She does, so what are you going to name her?”

Stella craned her neck towards her girlfriend and raised an eyebrow before letting her hands brush up and down the slope of her stomach. 

“ _ We _ have to name her, Dana. She’s  _ our _ baby,” she urged, but the redhead just blushed and stared up at Stella with an apologetic stare.

“I just happened to love the name you picked for Arthur, I didn’t feel like I needed to debate with you, but since we have time to think, I want you to help me.”

Dana nodded at the comment and let her fingers continue to graze the surface of Stella’s tight skin. “But you have the final say,” the redhead tried to push.

Stella simply rolled her eyes and held her hands out for Dana to help her to her feet as the water began to cool, leaving Stella shivering slightly despite her own increased temperature. Dana carefully helped her onto her feet after unplugging the tub, hanging onto her slippery girlfriend to keep her from falling. 

“What about Amy? Or Caroline?” Stella suggested, Dana’s nose scrunching at the sound of the names as she picked out the biggest t-shirt she owned and a pair of panties for Stella and got herself situated with her towel on the bed.

“No on those?” Stella chuckled, making Dana sigh and grab the jar of stretch mark cream from the dresser before joining her on the bed. 

“That obvious?” she joked before scooting the shirt beneath Stella’s breasts with a smirk.

“She needs a special name, because she’s a special little baby, we can’t name her Amy,” Dana frowned as they both climbed beneath the covers, leaving them folded at Stella’s hips while Scully continued to apply the lotion. 

“Well, I don’t know what to name her! Can’t we just look at things around the house and see what sounds good?” Stella whined, making Dana giggle under her breath before shaking her head in the blonde’s direction, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on her stomach before covering it back up with her shirt.

“No, Stel. She’s not a pet fish,” she reminded while curling up against her exhausted partner, feeling her breathing even out as she settled her onto her left side before positioning an extra pillow between her knees. “But maybe think about some of the things that make you smile, you might find a name there,” Dana yawned, pressing a kiss once more onto the corner of Stella’s head, threading her fingers into the blonde’s that sat comfortably against their daughter.

“Thank you for my baby shower, I loved celebrating us,” Stella murmured through her impending sleep, making Dana softly peck the slope of her nose with feather-like pressure, careful to not wake her from her peaceful slumber.

“Thank you for our baby,” she replied with a twinkle in her eye, forcing Stella’s open to confirm that she heard her correctly, letting moisture build against her blue irises.

“I love you,” she wept, Dana exhaling with a sleepy sigh. 

“I love you too, now go to sleep, I will be here in the morning.”

With that, they both found themselves peaceful and content in their bubble of bliss, drifting off after a day with joy and celebration, something they were quite pleased to welcome back into their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think while I get ready for a hefty couple of chapters!


	6. Grateful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving is fun...maybe...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Cancer, death, mention of Stella's miscarriage, loss, and Bill Scully Jr.
> 
> //
> 
> Big thank you to lenathomally, stellagbenson, gilliananderson, and so many more for all of the help!

_ A while ago… _

  
  


Stella sat with her thumb nail chewed to malleable bits as her free hand stroked the soft black fur of her cat Clarence. She watched the steady rise and fall of his chest while he remained obediently in her lap, a navy jumper pulled over the white shirt that she had pulled on in the morning, her mother’s lack of desire to drag herself out of bed given Arthur Gibson’s declining condition forcing her to rise early.

To her delight she found herself with some extra time given her father’s slumber in his small bed beside the glowing Christmas Tree. The sun had yet to fully rise and she found herself tucked in her favorite spot on her home’s stoop with Clarence purring in amusement as she let herself have her moment while the sun urged it’s way out from behind the clouds.

She knew that she had a full day of tending to her father, a sponge bath to begin the day, followed by his carefully measured dose of medications, breakfast, and painful waiting game that each day consisted of. Stella knew her father was on his last leg of life the minute he had returned home from hospital, and given her mother’s condition, and overall disinterest with Arthur, she found herself as the sole provider for him. Stella knew she’d always have room in her heart for Arthur Gibson, and she knew that would ring true for the rest of her days. 

It was Christmas Eve and she knew that their celebrations would be bleak this year, hospital bills piling high as she tried to manage expenses and get the bills out on time while scrambling through check books and scraping together what money she could to get her father care.

It was a tricky path she was on, only thirteen but bearing the weight of the world on her small, wiry shoulders. She knew she couldn’t linger, but her father knew to call for her when needed upon his start to the day. Plus, the sunrise would be one of her few moments of peace on a day when many of her peers would be celebrating, cherishing the holiday with their own loved ones. Her halls would not be decked and Christmas would just be another day to get through, and if the Gibsons could simply do that, it would be a decent Christmas.

As the sun made its way to the peak of the sky Stella exhaled slowly and pulled herself to her feet, Clarence tucked warmly in her hands as she returned to the warmth of her home. With a smile she retrieved one of the ripe lemons that she had picked from the tree outside and swiftly sliced it, sticking one wedge into her mouth before setting the paper plate on the tile for her cat to enjoy.

Knowing how much her father had loved the holidays before he fell ill, Stella set one of his old Elvis Christmas records on the old vinyl player to bring a warm ambiance into the chilly home. In her past the warm fireplace was always lit with treats filled in bowls around the rooms, Stella elated to find different kinds of chocolate laid out for her by the father she loved so dearly. However, with the oxygen tanks and heavy air filtration, the fireplace had been closed and tucked away while Arthur rode out his final days in their family home.

Warming a small bowl of oatmeal, Stella hummed softly to the sound of Blue Christmas playing in the living room. Knowing Arthur, the song would rouse him gently, preventing her from having to do it herself while getting his breakfast ready. 

Once the food was done, Stella retrieved the small pack of medication that had been sorted into days of the week and shuffled into the living room with a calm demeanor. Her head floated to the possibilities for that afternoon if Arthur’s spirits were high enough, perhaps she could play a song on her viola or read him a chapter of  _ Wuthering Heights _ and discuss the possibilities of what Emily Bronte could have meant within each line. 

The old tray sat on the creaking side table as Stella began to slowly wake her father, watching his pale eyelids twitch from the disturbance. Stella prided herself in the way that she resembled her father, their blonde hair distinct, paired with the piercing blue of their eyes.

With a feeling of deflation Stella watched as his face screwed into discomfort upon waking, his body not strong enough to fully express the feeling. The young girl sighed as she placed a steady hand on his hollow cheek, trying to help him settle before taking her spot beside him in the pre set chair. 

“Merry Christmas Eve, dad,” she whispered as Arthur craned his neck over with a weary smile, the corners of his lips barely curving into a shell of the grin that used to be so vibrant and full of life. Arthur exhaled at the comment and softly squeezed her hand, prompting Stella to increase his oxygen flow on the tank before settling again.

“Merry Christmas Eve, Stella-for-Star,” he replied as the very breath rattled in his chest, sending a chill up her spine. He had gotten worse, despite the work she had put in during the last few weeks of his move home. It was getting to the end and Stella felt as if her very world would stop in that moment.

Without prompting, Arthur snaked his hand slowly beneath his warm blanket and retrieved a small wrapped present. Stella frowned at the sight and shook her head at her father, unwilling to accept it when there were far more important things that the money could’ve purchased. However Arthur shook his head before any of those thoughts could be voiced, Stella worked hard and deserved a reward for her actions.

The blonde smirked gratefully as she took the delicately wrapped present, the paper wrappings clearly from one of the shops that the kind neighbor frequented. Stella smiled softly as she pulled it back and folded the gold foil sticker, smiling warmly at the leather bound journal.

The front page opened to reveal pressed lavender picked from the neighbor’s yard, giving the journal a fragrant aroma that filled her lungs. Stella blinked her watery eyes up at her father who took in a steady breath of effort before speaking.

“I think it’s getting to be that time my star. But that doesn’t mean that I want you to stop using that brilliant brain of yours. I won’t be here to debate your Bronte theories and Dickenson. You write those thoughts down and grow them into brilliant pieces for you to cherish. The world is yours, my Stella and I am excited to watch you live it from a much better place.”

Stella felt her sob hitch in her throat as she noticed an inscription on the front page beside the lavender, glancing up at the man who simply basked in her joy over the small gift. They were humble people, money tied up and tucked away for emergencies like these, but he could afford one small present for the true love in his life.

Stella frowned at his self proclaimed end and scooted closer, gripping his hand tightly before pressing her lips against the skin. Arthur believed in the spark that was already lit in the pit of Stella’s belly, praying that she fed and nurtured it even long after he had gone, and Stella felt the responsibility to live out his wish for her no matter what.

  
  
  


…

  
  


Stella sat numbly with her back against the door once the hospital staff had cleared out of her home. Arthur was gone and she felt as if everything that she had to hang onto was cruelly ripped from her fingertips. 

Her journal sat untouched on her nightstand and she felt no urge to open the front cover and begin writing. She felt no urge to do anything except hold her cat close and dampen his fur with the runny tears that fell down her splotchy cheeks. Despite getting up to run to the restroom, the medics and hospice nurses had assured her that there was nothing she would’ve been able to do, but she had an impossible time believing that.

She was his caretaker and she let him down. Stella kept vigil all day as her father predicted the end coming, hours of painful groans keeping her on edge until the screaming of her bladder could no longer be ignored. 

She had lost him when she could’ve helped, done something — anything to ensure that Arthur could’ve had a few more days on this planet. However he knew that this wasn’t the life he envisioned for his daughter, keeping watch as he slowly passed from this life to the next. Sensing her absence Arthur Gibson had taken his last breath without her, his own version of a gift for his sweet star.

Her subconscious knew it was the horrible cancer, the illness that had riddled his body for years, but her present state told her that it was her doing, and that feeling was not easily discarded from the mind and body.

Stella held Clarence close and breathed in the comforting scent of his fur and wailed as she tried to comprehend every aspect of her crumbling situation. The kitten took pity on her and carefully moved to lick the salty tears away, curling into her chest until she felt somewhat secure. 

Stella Gibson truly had no idea what her reality would be moving forward, but she knew that it was far scarier to face head on, than she ever imagined it to be. The guilt of the lost life that she had been entrusted with rattled her body, and she couldn’t bear the thought of that weighing on her shoulders.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


…

_ Present Day _

  
  


_ Writhing agony, pooling blood, splintering hip bones, forceps, vacuums, and an emergency c-section followed by harrowing shouts as they raced Stella and the life within her down the hall towards the theatre. Her blonde hair stuck to her sticky cheeks as she felt the very life draining from her as they shouted unthinkable diagnosis at one another. _

_ She wanted to scream for more answers, but her throat was raw and blistering, but nothing compared to the sheer terror she was feeling. She had fallen or slammed into a table or perhaps injured in a particularly reckless accident, leaving both her and her little girl to fight for their lives. Her baby was in danger and she was helpless to do anything, her body giving out on the both of them, failing this baby just as it had failed the last. Dana was gone, the one person she needed missing as she sobbed for answers, help, or an explanation. _

Stella jolted awake in their bed covered in an impressive pool of her own sweat, her shirt sticking to the damp surface of her burning skin. She gasped as she caught her breath, her hand immediately lurching down towards the tumbling baby in her stomach, trying to calm her own heaving breaths to check on her little girl.

Tossing her head over towards Dana’s side, she sighed in relief knowing Dana had fallen asleep in her study after her long night of researching genetic abnormalities for work, leaving Stella to try and grapple with what she had just dreamt. Her hands shook as she went to reach for her journal, but she hastily stopped herself, she didn’t want to remember what she had just seen, forcing her out of the bed.

Stella padded into the bathroom and retrieved an old sleep shirt from the hamper and pulled her soaked one off of her body before tossing it onto the floor. Her scorched skin burned with fear as she stared at her mostly naked form in the mirror, letting her hands run over the bulging bump in her figure. 

How desperately Stella wished she could keep their daughter safely tucked in the cavity of her body away from the lingering dangers that this world brought. However, as she grew, she knew that it wasn’t an option.

As the blonde ran a finger over the tight skin and protruding belly button her mind tried to slow back to her normal stressors that filled her brain. According to her watch it was nearly four in the morning and it was November twenty seventh which just so happened to be the Americanized holiday of Thanksgiving.

Bill and Tara had arrived in town for the gathering with Matthew, while Dani and Sloane had yet to return home, leaving the normally intimate group a bit larger. Stella enjoyed coming together with her surrogate family that she had happily joined, finding the bits of joy in the holidays after years and years of heartache. Arthur seemed to love his mother’s mashed potatoes and nearly ate the entirety of Stella’s soft pumpkin pie the year before, his sense of wonder something she truly cherished. 

As Stella inched her way into her ninth and final month of pregnancy, the couple offered to host Thanksgiving to prevent the blonde from traveling nearly an hour and a half away from her comfortable space. Her Braxton Hicks seemed to be returning with a vengeance and sitting in a car for nearly an hour and a half with their grizzly toddler seemed like absolute hell to the blonde.

However, this nightmare seemed to be enough to shake Stella to her very core. She had done her very best to keep their daughter safe and healthy, and the thought of something going terribly wrong during her delivery was enough to send her into an anxious gagging fit over the toilet. She battled with the decision of where this baby would be born, her heart growing as she recalled the calm and familiar energy surrounding Arthur’s birth, but her fear seemed to be too great for something like that.

Dana had been brave, staring her labor head on as the whipping rain confined them to their home, her most primal self emerging as Stella watched in awe. However, she feared that her courage would never flourish as her partner’s did, finding herself riddled with fear pathetically trapped in her own bathroom.

Stella bit her lip and slipped on the dry t-shirt before padding down the hall, her head ached from the early hour but she refused to try and slip into another slumber following that harrowing nightmare. Softly she slipped into the home office that Dana was slumbering in, her cheek pressed up against one of the large books that she had brought from work, drooling slightly against the page.

Stella smiled tenderly at the sound of her hearty snoring and carefully pulled on her girlfriend’s shoulders, making her blink slowly before allowing the blonde to pull her to her feet. Dana leaned into the warmth of Stella’s shirt as the blonde led her around the corner and back into bed, draping the warm comforter over her body. She watched as Dana blinked her way back to sleep and drifted off, quite drained from her busy few days.

With a tired sigh Stella shuffled into the living room and smoothed over the printed out recipe for the large turkey that her and Dana had searched for to prepare for their dinner. The blonde had spent hours preparing it the night before while Dana worked, smothering the raw bird in butter, stuffing it, and basting it before sliding it into the refrigerator with all of her effort.

Knowing it would take hours to cook, she set the oven on low and began gathering the ingredients for the rest of the dishes that she had offered to make. Tiredly she shuffled around their new spacious kitchen and let her hand come into contact with the now calmed baby who had slowed due to her mindful steps.

Stella Gibson was going to make a mean Thanksgiving dinner and she was going to do it well.

  
  
  


…

  
  


Family filtered into the large house as the November sun began to peak in the sky, Stella now changed into a soft navy wrap dress, her condition not allowing for much more. Dana had suggested she stick to comfortable clothing after emerging in a grey top and trousers, but Stella refused and slipped on the outfit for the occasion.

However she couldn’t shake her rising feelings of fear, anxiety, self criticism, and downright exhaustion and discomfort. The last thing she wanted to do was see large sums of people and put on a happy face for them when all she could feel was a dark and looming worry. A hand moved to the bottom of her stomach and rubbed the now present feeling of a shifting head, slowly working her way down for her upcoming exit.

With a sigh she watched as Dana let in her brother and his partner, holding his hand out for Arthur to high-five before greeting Stella warmly. Charlie Scully knew how to read a room, and the gentle manner in which he hugged his sister-in-law was much appreciated by the blonde.

Monica and Angelica filtered in followed by Maggie, arms full with steaming side dishes and early Christmas presents for Matthew and Arthur, given the family’s large gathering together. Dani and Sloane joined soon after, intrigued to get an insider’s perspective on the holiday while spending time with both Stella and Dana.

Both women could feel their nerves eating away at them as they waited for the final group, Bill and his family were invited to come under the instruction that he was not to touch any alcohol while present. He had been doing fine in his program from what Tara had reported, and the family was working diligently to try and work through what had been ruptured. However, Dana worried, Stella disliked the man and he knew how to press her buttons despite knowing she wasn’t in a place to be getting worked up.

The blonde on the other hand found herself thrown into mindless conversation, bouncing Dani’s new baby whom they had decided on calling Anna, and helping Maggie with the sides and dishes despite her many protests and urges for her to sit down. With the family pooling outside into the yard, Stella found solace by milling around the groups of people while pulling various dishes out of the oven and onto the counters in order to replace others in the space, falling into step with the others in the kitchen. 

However, after various pleas on Maggie’s part, Stella found herself perched in the living room with Monica at her side on the sofa while softly chatting amongst the slow roar of the building party. The brunette rubbed Stella’s shoulder to work a stubborn knot out while discussing possible dates for her to go over her lamaze class curriculum when Stella’s face wrinkled in discomfort as a hand slid down the side of her stomach.

“Are you alright?” Monica’s voice even as to not draw attention as Dana diligently helped Maggie with the various dishes, knowing this would only cause a scene. Stella nodded and exhaled slowly before pulling Monica’s steady hand against her bump, motioning her towards the cramped muscle.

“It’s false labor, but it sucks,” she grumbled as Monica moved in to get a better feel for her position, pursing her lips before nodding in agreement. 

“Aw hon, you’re almost there,” Monica encouraged towards the weary blonde, giving her head a loving brush before squeezing her hand. Stella exhaled at the comment as her cramp began to let up, leaning back into the cushions with a sigh.

“Will you stay with me, when she comes? I don’t know where I want to have her yet, but you helped Dana and I would feel better with you around to keep us safe,” Stella requested, making Monica’s eyes soften at the question. With a smile the brunette took her hand delicately and nodded, giving it a firm squeeze before scooting closer to her blonde friend.

“Of course I’ll stay with you. I’m quite good at getting water bottles, holding legs, wiping faces, and hand holding, or so I’ve been told,” Monica winked, prodding a smile out of Stella before the ringing doorbell jolted her thoughts towards the front door.

“How about warding off unwanted brother-in-laws?” Stella grumbled as she hauled herself off of the sofa with Monica’s help, both making their way towards the unanswered door where Bill and Tara began filtering in. Matthew wasted little time bustling inside towards his beloved Aunty Stella, wrapping little arms around her legs.

“Stella,” Bill managed before awkwardly patting the blonde on the shoulder. With a swift roll of her eyes she nodded politely before opening her arms to Tara who warmly embraced her. The house was finally full and Stella could feel herself attempting to relax her nerves as the small family settled and greeted the rest of the guests.

Dana emerged with Matthew’s chocolate chip cookies that both women had baked for him, a family tradition put in place by both women to ensure that their only nephew had his favorite cookies whenever he came into town. Stella grinned at the sight and picked a cookie off of the plate and nibbled on it, allowing Dana to squeeze her hand momentarily before leaning a cheek on her shoulder.

“Everything is ready and your turkey looks amazing. I can’t wait to eat it,” Dana whispered softly, listening to the hearty growl of her girlfriend’s stomach. Despite having a plethora of appetizers Dana knew that Stella was still famished and eager for dinner.

“I just can’t wait to eat. This little girl is sucking all of the sustenance out of me faster than I can pack it in,” Stella groaned as everyone began to shuffle into the dining room, finding a spot along the large table that both women had purchased for holidays such as these. Dana led them both into the dining room and helped her girlfriend into her spot while Maggie happily tended to her grandsons in their seats. Arthur sat on a pile of Dana’s medical booklets while Matthew barely peaked over the table, eager to dig in.

“We’re so thankful that everyone managed to make it here safely and that we are blessed enough to have our family here and healthy. It truly means the world to us that this Thanksgiving group seems to keep growing and growing.” Dana’s words glistening as she stared at the massive group, Stella’s beaming eyes only solidifying the sentiments.

The group chatted evenly as the food was passed around and plated, compliments passed throughout the air as the meal began being consumed. Stella sat quietly with her free hand holding Dana’s beneath the table, finding herself in need of some extra support with such a massive group that she had to perform for.

Both seemed to exhale as the meal finished up and the dishes cleared in an impressive amount of time, swiftly replaced with fresh and steaming pies from the oven. Stella’s eyes widening as the smell of pecans nearly made her mouth spill over from her absolute need for a hearty slice. 

Dana noticed the raw desire in her partner’s eyes and began slicing the pieces, passing them out to the table until the dish was completely empty. Stella watched in almost horror and betrayal as her wife ignored her request for a piece, watching as Dana pushed herself out of her seat and vanishing into the kitchen. The blonde impatiently tapped her spoon against her tea plate, trying her hardest not to cause a scene over pecan pie.

Before she could complain Dana returned with a small personal pecan pie and massive tub of Cool Whip that Stella had insisted upon after explaining the clear difference in taste after last year’s Thanksgiving. With a touched curve of her lips she took the dessert from her girlfriend and pecked her lips onto the redhead’s, tasting the sweetness of the wine and sweet potatoes that lingered.

Stella exhaled and happily began picking at her pie, scooping a generous helping of the Cool Whip onto the pie before digging in. The chatter had stilled and Stella could hear the absence of Bill’s voice, the silence somewhat comforting as his rambling had begun catalyzing a migraine from the sheer tone.

However, the sound of him clearing his voice only made her roll her eyes as she dug a candied pecan out and popped it into her mouth. Stella could feel the content grin on Dana’s face and chose to ignore Bill’s gawking until the sound of her name finally drew her attention towards him across the table.

“Our pie is made with almond milk, we’re trying to switch the family over,” Tara shared happily, proud of her concoction of dairy-less pumpkin pie. Maggie nodded in astonishment and began questioning her daughter-in-law about the recipe until her boorish son interrupted their conversation.

Stella fought her urge to roll her eyes, Bill had spent enough time in his program trying to right his major wrongs, but he would always be an asshole at his very core.

“Tara loves all of this organic stuff, it’s her new thing,” he mocked, getting an awkward reaction from the rest of the table. His blushing wife nodded and began rambling about the dangers of preservatives to try and ease some of the random tension that Bill had thrust upon the conversation, leaving everyone to listen intently before brushing the comments off.

“I’ve been telling her that it’s what makes food good though,” Bill urged, his tone making Tara shift in discomfort as she picked at her slice. 

“It’s lovely honey, I didn’t even notice the difference,” Maggie urged supportively, making Tara nod in appreciation before going back to her food.

“Stella you’ve been working on your own personal pie over there filled with all of that normal fat and stuff, why don’t you compare your giant portion with Tara’s nasty healthy pie?” Bill joked, clearly not satisfied with the fizzled ending to his attempted joke.

“Bill,” Dana warned gravely but Stella just brushed her off before pushing her small tin aside and reaching for her sister-in-law’s pie, slicing herself a giant piece with a smirk. No matter how it tasted she was determined to finish it all simply to send a ‘fuck you’ to her sexist brother-in-law.

The pie tasted no different and she happily smirked towards the ruddy man in front of her, taking two more large bites from her plate.

“It’s wonderful, Tara. I can’t even tell,” Stella smiled smugly, finishing up her piece before returning to her decadent pecan pie that she had pushed aside. Stella could feel Bill’s annoyance at the failure to humiliate his wife at the table, picking at her dessert with a sense of accomplishment as she squeezed Dana’s hand beneath the table.

“Well, Tara is great at all of this organic stuff, it’s all she ate when she was pregnant with Matthew,” he mentioned, making everyone nod at the comment, “so he was really healthy and alert when he was born.”

Stella found herself picking at her pie less as she fought the urge to gnaw at her thumb nail or bite down on her lip until it was raw. Dana noticed her tensed muscles and squeezed her hand before Bill cleared his throat to make eye contact with the blonde who sat across from him at the table.

“It’s actually proven that a mother’s diet has a huge effect on the baby’s health and wellbeing, perhaps that’s why she never had any issues with Matthew. So perhaps you lay off the pie and give us a call the next time you want to try and get pregnant again so you can prevent another mishap.”

The only sound following the comment managed to be Dana’s clattering spoon against her porcelain plate. Stella felt the weight of his words smack her square in the chest and tear through her like a hot blade. With nothing more than a pleading look from Monica, Charlie and Andrew hastily gathered the children from their spots and led them outside.

Stella’s cheeks began to burn with hurt, shock, and most of all, embarrassment. Her words were lost on her as hot tears began to sting her eyes, humiliating her to her very core that she was crying over a comment that Bill fucking Scully had made at Thanksgiving Dinner over organic pie.

“Get out-,” Dana began, rising angrily out of her seat as she clamped a hand over Stella’s, her voice a defensive growl. However, before her older brother could retaliate Maggie stood and silenced her daughter, urging her back to Stella’s side before turning to face her son.

“William Scully your hateful words will not be tolerated in your sister’s house, or ever. You will never understand what it is like to lose a child in that way and you do not get to sit here smugly and crack jokes about something so incredibly hurtful,” she snapped, making Stella flinch from the sharpness of her tongue.

“How dare you? How dare you sit here and say that to Stella! She deserves the utmost respect- especially since she stayed and helped clean up your mess when- well you know when!”

Maggie’s voice began to raise in volume, making Stella flinch with each slice of her tongue towards the silent man who stared up at her. Dana could feel Stella unraveling with each violent chastise towards her older brother, forcing her out of her seat once more before slamming her hand on the table.

“Enough!”

The room fell silent as she shot daggers at her brother, Stella hated shouting and she knew with every scream she was closer to fully losing her composure in front of all their guests.

“No more shouting, please,” her words soft as she pleaded with her mother. Maggie nodded in understanding before Stella carefully excused herself from the table and vanished into the master bedroom to clean herself up.

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


The front door closed as Maggie took Arthur and his overnight bag, leaving Dana with a clean kitchen and house, though unfortunately with a distraught partner. Tara had apologized profusely, and Bill muttered a mild goodbye before their departure, making her head ache for Stella.

Shuffling into the bedroom she found Stella perched on the edge of the bed clad in her navy dress and glassy eyes. Upon noticing Dana, the blonde slowly began to crumple into a sobbing mess.

Dana frowned and hastily collected Stella into her arms, shushing softly into her hair while rocking her back and forth against the comforter. Dana had only heard wails like those come out of her partner once before and it had shaken her to her very core, the sound of them resurfacing made her want to nearly collapse.

“I’m sorry love. Bill is a fucking idiot, you had nothing to do with what happened I promise,” Dana began, her words futile as Stella continued to sob. 

“She- she isn’t safe with me! I can’t keep her safe and healthy!” Stella’s words struggling to get out as she sobbed into Dana’s sweater.

“Of course she is, you’re doing amazing Stel. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, I promise.”

Both sat like that for a while until Stella hiccuped violently and sputtered out another jarring sob from the pits of her chest.

“I had- I had a nightmare that she’s going to be hurt or sick when she’s born! They were shouting at each other while they rolled me into surgery- I couldn’t keep her safe! She can’t be safe in there!”

Dana frowned at the revelation and delicately held Stella’s face as she began to hyperventilate. Slowly she rubbed her thumbs over the sticky surface of her cheeks, taking deep, exaggerated breaths for her to mirror.

“Stella, deep breath baby.”

The blonde listened and tried to follow, her chest still spasming as she worked herself up. Keeping her close, Dana continued to breathe with Stella until she was satisfied with her progress, placing a tender kiss onto her temple while rubbing her cheeks.

“You’re safe. She’s safe. It was a bad dream. I will make sure that nothing happens to either of you no matter where or how she comes into the world. I know how important it is to know that the little baby growing inside of you is safe and healthy up until they come out, so please trust me when I tell you that I will make sure you’re safe.”

Stella shuddered at her words and moved closer into her warmth, taking thoughtful breaths as she struggled to find her old rhythm again. Disbelief still lingered in her eyes as she moved a trembling hand down to her stomach, feeling the baby shift in discomfort from her mother’s distress.

Getting an idea Dana pressed another kiss into Stella’s temple before releasing her from her grip. Stella whimpered at the loss of contact and watched as her girlfriend vanished from the bedroom and returned with her doctor bag. Setting it on the bed, Dana helped Stella settle onto the pillows before joining her on the bed.

Dana smiled softly as she retrieved her stethoscope from her bag, placing the ear pieces in her ears before moving the cold metal over Stella’s dress. Frowning at the muffled sound she requested to move the material, resulting in a tired nod from her girlfriend. 

Carefully Dana lifted Stella’s dress and moved the cold metal piece over the peak of her stomach, smiling warmly before passing the ear pieces to her whimpering girlfriend. Dana watched as Stella’s eyes began to water for an unrelated reason, sobbing over the steady sound of their daughter’s heartbeat, strong and pulsating like a locomotive.

“I am so sorry my brother hurt you when you were already feeling anxious and scared from your nightmare,” Dana whispered while running her hand over Stella’s smooth skin, “but she’s safe and healthy in there because of you. You are doing an amazing job at this and I am so proud of you.”

Stella’s eyes reddened once more as she settled in Dana’s arms, her embrace never failing to bring her warmth and security. She never felt more loved than she did when wrapped in Dana’s loving arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think if you have thoughts!


	7. Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stella worries about the mother-daughter relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you as always to StellaGBenson, gilliananderson for the amazing beta work, and special_tramp for helping me navigate this *tricky* relationship between Stella and her mother!  
> //  
> Content warning: cancer, death

_ A While Ago… _

  
  


Ivy Gibson had never been one to want children, let alone be enamored with the daughter she did have. From the day Stella came into the world on a cold November morning, her mother found herself less than enthused with the little life that she had brought forth into the world. Arthur had been nothing but entranced at the little girl who took his very breath away, given that he was the sole reason that Stella had been born in the first place. Despite her desire to travel the world, experience life freely, and remain unshackled to the restraints of a child, Ivy loved Arthur and found herself stuck when her doctor uttered the words ‘you’re pregnant’. She had to keep the baby, and that broke her heart. 

From the moment the blonde haired baby took her first breath Arthur knew he’d love the little girl until his last, but the same was not said for Ivy. From her perspective the whole ordeal had been dreadful, stuffed in a hospital bay after grueling hours of agony, sore and drained all for a baby that she was less than enthused about. She wasn’t supposed to be a mother, and no child would change that fact.

Arthur had decided to name her Stella, after his beloved mother and for all of the times that he had hoped and prayed that one day a child would come into their family from amongst the stars for him to love. He lingered on what middle name he would give his little girl, finally settling on Adelaide after whispering soft nothings into her feathery hair about how she would grow to be a strong and noble leader for all to love.

Stella Adelaide - his bright, beautiful star.

However, the long stretches of daytime eventually came to a close and with Arthur being required to leave for the night, Ivy found herself simply staring at her wriggling daughter in the small bin. Nurses had tried to urge breastfeeding, but she refused, claiming that she would not be sacrificing her well earned sleep after birthing a baby to feed her when a bottle and some formula could do the job just as well. 

Stella had been taken to the nursery for her overnight stays, only to await her beaming father in the mornings. The dynamic for the Gibson family set, Stella with her doting father to rely on, while Ivy slowly withered away from the woman she had once been, into the shell of what she found herself becoming.

…

As she grew, Ivy somehow found herself less and less enthused with her bright little girl, simply present to play the part, but withdrawn and icy with the child who simply craved her love, attention and approval. Stella learned early on that her mother would always be colder in the way she reared her, but trusted that her father’s kind and loving touch would compensate for what she lacked with one parent.

When Arthur fell ill it was as if Stella’s entire world shifted, and the poor girl forced to navigate the change without a trusted adult by her side to bear the responsibility. It was no secret that as the years went by Ivy had fallen out of love with the man that she had been so entranced with, her sacrifice of a life she craved driving a deep wedge between the couple. He had fallen ill, and she couldn’t find it in her to mourn the man in the way she imagined she would, because there was a lingering fear. 

She would be left with Stella and Stella would be left with her.

After spending her days after school in the hospitals with Arthur, Stella found herself catching buses or rides off of lingering friends back to their tiny home in the country. It was a rarity that her mother would be at her father’s bedside, rarely even making an appearance out of the large master suite in their London home after he had been diagnosed.

She knew what she would find upon her return, her mother secluded in her now spacious bedroom with the doors shut tightly as she readied herself for bed. The house would be dark, with only the porch light lit from the timer she had set upon her departure for school. Clarence would hopefully be perched upon the windowsill for Stella to collect for her daily fill of unconditional love from her beloved cat.

Stella would huff under her breath upon returning to a dark home, warming a can of soup or fixing herself a cheese toastie before retreating to her room for her sacred alone time. Behind closed doors exquisite books were consumed by the blonde, notes written on scraps of paper that littered the room with thoughts and ideas, the pages too special to have notes scribbled in the margins. 

It was her time to herself, to not think about cancer, mothers— or lack thereof– heartache and worst of all, loneliness.

Friends came and went, but the poor girl had grown up faster than her peers given her circumstances, and she knew that no pre-teen would understand the hardships she was under. She was better off on her own, curled up with her beloved cat, the steady purring calming her as she flipped through pages of beautifully bound novels that her father would trade for at antique shops, cherishing them dearly as she got lost in the words of each story.

It was all she felt like she needed in her thirteen year old brain: some space, her cat, and the constant self assurance that with strong will and determination, her and her father would make it out alright.

  
  


…

  
  


For days after Arthur had passed Stella couldn’t bring herself to move from her room. With her beloved pet in hand she remained broken in the messy crumbling of sheets, blankets, and tears on her bed. A wilted Charles Dickens novel sat in an angry heap on her floor, tales of deceased parents who only had abundant love to give breaking Stella into a shattered shell who couldn’t seem to fully comprehend what she had lost.

How she longed for a shred of affection, warm arms to wrap around her and assure her that she was safe, loved, and cared for. Even the unfortunate characters in her bleak novel had gotten the opportunity to bask in the genuine love of their parent before the cruel world took over. Despite their lack of communication, and her pure disdain for her, she wished her mother could push aside her feelings and simply be the parent she needed for once.

Stella buried her face into her knees as she desperately tried to bat her hair off of her sticky cheeks, sobbing heartily until her door swung open. Her mother stood with deep circles beneath her eyes, her matching blonde hair tied in a knot on top of her head as she shot a glare in her daughter’s direction. Her stare was hauntingly hollow and Stella shivered at the sight, unsure of what to do or say to get her mother to soften her eyes.

“Stop. Crying.”

The distain was sharp in her tone as she sauntered towards the bed, just as exhausted and emotionally fragile as the young girl, but for what seemed to be all the wrong reasons. Stella wanted to be angry with her, to shout and scream and throw her belongings at the woman who had abandoned her during this unthinkable time. However, she only found herself able to produce more guilty tears in the presence of the older woman who seemed just as drained.

“He’s gone, Stella. We make choices in this life that haunt us until the day we die, and we can’t sit here and cry about them because that will solve nothing,” she bit off, her words clearly alluding to a plethora of scenarios in her own life.

“You got up to pee, boom, your father dies. That is something that you are going to have to own up to and live with. Crying about it and feeling sorry for yourself isn’t going to do anything, and it sure as hell isn’t going to bring him back. Now _ I’m stuck _ raising a daughter that I can’t even take care of. So we both have consequences that we have to live with, but we can’t go around crying over them. So be quiet so I can get some fucking sleep.”

The door swung shut with a hearty thud, leaving the girl rattled in her own skin, unsure of what the weight of her mother’s words meant. Stella knew that a plethora of emotions would be rushing through the both of them following the loss of her father, but she never imagined that in the pit of her grief, she’d feel so incredibly alone and unloved.

She never thought that despite all of her back breaking efforts she wouldn’t be enough.

  
  
  
  
  
  


…

_ Present Day _

  
  
  


“Alright, Stella. In through your nose and then let go with a big exhale,” Monica instructed as the blonde sat securely between Dana’s legs. Their friend offered to come and teach them some lamaze techniques given that she never got the chance with Arthur and the last thing that Stella wanted to feel was unprepared when it came to delivering their daughter.

Dana urged her partner farther into her hold and coaxed her head back onto her shoulder, trying to get her to relax as they practiced for the real deal. Stella had officially crossed into her ninth and final month as they lingered in the last few days of November, but she was determined to make it to the forty week mark to ensure that their baby was fully developed despite Dana’s insistences that she’d be alright if she decided to come earlier.

She could feel Stella’s reluctance to fully settle into her grip, causing Dana to slowly run her hands up and down her arms as Stella attempted to relax. 

“Is this helping, Stel?” Her words gentle as the blonde shifted her hips while seated on her back. Dana could notice the grimace of discomfort on her face and watched as her hand released the redhead’s to come into contact with the bottom of her stomach. Monica watched as she shuddered at the contact, kneeling in front of her with a curious raise of her eyebrow.

“I can  _ feel _ her more,” Stella whispered softly, allowing Monica’s hands to move where hers once pressed. Taking in the movement, the brunette nodded and smiled warmly before letting go of Stella.

“I think I can safely determine that she’s dropped into her position, which is probably what you felt right now, which unfortunately means you’ll be a bit more uncomfortable.” 

Stella huffed at the comment and straightened in Dana’s embrace, bringing the redhead’s hands into contact beneath her stomach where the distinct feeling of their daughter’s head could be felt. Dana knew that Stella had been feeling more and more uncomfortable with each passing day, her Braxton Hicks and back pain growing more intense, but it began to sink in that they weren’t far from meeting their baby.

“Now depending on where you decide to deliver, there will be a few options for you to decide on in regards to pain relief or management, movement, and much more. Have you decided on what you’re going to do?” 

Monica’s question lingered in Stella’s ears, causing her to remain silent as her mind worked through the options. She had seen what her girlfriend was capable of when she fearlessly brought their son into the world, but she had serious doubts as to whether or not she’d be able to do the same.

“I want to feel comfortable, with the both of you there to help me with the pain and all of that,” Stella began, her voice much smaller than what both Dana and Monica were used to, “but I want to have doctors and nurses close just in case something does happen to her.”

Dana nodded at her nervous partner, giving her hand a squeeze of support before smiling in her direction. 

“That’s completely fine, Stel. Monica is a registered midwife and can deliver the baby at the hospital that I work with. They have amazing labor suites if you want to reserve one of those, and they have tons of options for you if you don’t want to be on your back the whole time.” 

Stella nodded at the information and furrowed her brow, letting her finger trace the spots where she could feel tiny feet prodding at her. Dana pursed her lips at the reaction and nudged her once more, now feeling quite guilty for her emotional outburst all those years ago when she was preparing for Arthur’s arrival. Truly she wanted to know if Stella was alright and comfortable while preparing for their second baby’s arrival, but knew better than to overwhelm her with questions.

“I don’t want the epidural. I want to be able to walk and control my body, it sounds horrible to be confined to one of those beds for hours,” Stella muttered, still feeling quite worried about her decision against the pain relief. However Monica perked up and carefully took Stella’s hand into her own before giving it a gentle rub.

“We can write that down in your plan and we can stick to it for as long as you want. You can always change your mind when we get there. Plus we’ll be there and can help you with some hip squeezes or leg rubs or anything like that.”

Stella nodded with a little more ease and managed to scoot herself forward while Monica lifted her to her feet, Dana helping from behind until the blonde found her footing. Stella’s birthday fell on the last day of November and the small family felt it easier to celebrate the day before, given that her actual birthday landed on a Monday and the blonde already found it trivial to celebrate the anniversary of her birth.

However after their impromptu class the blonde found herself exhausted and overwhelmed, especially given the lingering laundry list of tasks that they had to finish prior to their daughter’s arrival. Dana watched as Stella wobbled towards the sofa and found her spot between the arm and the back, draping a blanket over herself to get comfortable.

Noticing her shift in demeanor Monica whispered her goodbyes and promised she’d be back later for dinner, leaving the couple all alone as Stella shifted in her seat anxiously. Dana pursed her lips and carefully took a seat beside her blonde girlfriend on the sofa, careful not to disturb her position. However Stella just pursed her lips and shifted into Dana’s arm upon feeling her presence.

“Is something bugging you? Besides our little girl hanging out in your pelvis,” Dana joked as she helped Stella lean against her thigh, stacking cushions behind her until she was comfortable enough with her head unintentionally leaning against Dana’s left breast for support. Dana carefully wove her fingers through her blonde hair and began massaging her scalp just the way she liked it to try and ease her nerves. 

Stella exhaled at the question and knew she couldn’t let her mood slip past her intuitive girlfriend. Before she could even think about lying or brushing it off, their daughter slammed her foot into Stella’s side almost as a warning for her to share her truth with her partner.

“I feel… _ weak, _ ” Stella admitted, letting her fingers rub the spot were tiny toes danced inside of her. Dana raised an eyebrow and encouraged her further, continuing to massage her scalp to try and relax her nerves.

“You were so brave when you had Arthur, you didn’t even let the rain stop you! You had him at home without any drugs or anything like that and I can’t even think about having this baby without wanting to burst into tears out of fear. You weren’t scared at all and you just did it and were so strong and I can’t stop thinking about that. I feel so scared and I hate that feeling and I just want to be brave because  _ I _ wanted to do this part —  _ I _ wanted to have the baby this time and now  _ I’m _ wimping out.”

Dana moved in and placed a kiss on the soft spot of Stella’s temple, nuzzling herself into her to try and calm her down as best as possible. Luckily no tears had been shed, yet, but she could feel Stella working herself up over the situation, prompting Dana to let her lips linger for a moment.

“Stella you  _ are _ brave,” Dana began with a soft smile, brushing her blonde hair back before moving back in. “I was terrified when I had Arthur at the apartment, but I knew that I had you with me to hold me and love me when I needed it. I knew that Monica was there to keep us both safe when it was time for him to come. It’s a big thing to have a baby, but you’re not weak for feeling anxious about it. I’ll be there the whole time to help you, just like you helped me.”

Dana waited a beat, letting her words linger, to allow Stella to sit for a moment before clearing her throat.

“You don’t have to have our baby all squished in a tiny shower at home for you to be brave, Stella. If you feel the most comfortable and safe in a hospital then that is your choice and you are going to do amazing no matter how she comes. As long as you’re comfortable and feel safe, that’s all that matters.”

Stella nodded stoically at Dana before nuzzling herself farther into her arms, letting herself enjoy the feeling of her fingers rubbing her scalp before perking up again in Dana’s lap. 

“How bad is it? Labor and delivery and all of the… _ pushing _ ,” Stella questioned nervously, making Dana sigh and rub the spot on Stella where she knew the head would be sitting. Dana had been reluctant to compare her pregnancy with Stella’s because she knew in the end they would be very different and didn’t want to prepare her for something that she may not even experience. However she knew that giving her some insight might be helpful.

“Do you want my honest, medically trained, opinion?” Dana asked, prompting Stella to roll her eyes and rub both hands up and down her stomach nervously.

“I want to hear what you felt, and for you to be honest with me,” she retorted while cradling the bottom of her belly. Dana nodded and sighed before recalling their son’s birth, the oxytocin thankfully wiping the memory of the pain from her brain.

“Well, my contractions, like most, were like strong period cramps that got more intense as my labor went on. For days before I had back labor which felt like spasms following some of the pains that you’re probably feeling. Those can continue with labor and it helped when Monica would do hip squeezes to help relieve some of that, so did the shower.”

Dana’s memory was foggy as she recalled that marathon of a night, the whipping monsoon shaking their tiny apartment as she grumbled him out.

“And the pushing?! That seemed like a whole other beast,” Stella pointed out with a strong exclamation, her recollection making her skin prickle with goosebumps. Dana nodded at what she had asked and sighed, crossing her legs beneath her.

“It’s something that can be very intense, but your body will know what to do  _ if you listen. _ It’s going to feel like the discomfort you have right now, but much stronger as she moves down into your birth canal. You’re going to have to concentrate when her head starts to come out and that is going to sting, but you can’t go too fast because you can tear that way. Once you get her head out it’s a few more contractions and the rest of the baby comes.”

Stella paled at her girlfriend’s narration, wrinkling her face as she began to regret some of her decisions. Dana caught on and pulled Stella closer, letting her cheek come to rest on the top of the blonde’s head after pressing a kiss onto the spot.

“And you’ll hold my hand the whole time? No letting go.” Stella questioned once more, the worry in her eyes making Dana soften and press a kiss onto her wrinkled forehead, cupping her face as she curled over her.

“Of course. It’ll be your day, you get whatever you ask for from me,” she chuckled before leaning over to rest her cheek on the curve of Stella’s bump. The blonde relaxed at her response, letting her hand linger on the surface of Dana’s smooth cheek as they basked in the luxury of the extra quiet time they had due to their toddler’s extra long nap.

Dana pulled away and stared at the blonde who had let her eyes fall closed, not fully sleeping as a mindless noise hummed out of her mouth. Taking in the sight, Dana delicately scooted out from under her girlfriend and adjusted her pillows as to not jostle her, but the movement still caused Stella to shift and open her eyes in confusion.

“Wait here. I have something for you.”

Dana’s stomach twisted with nerves of uncertainty and anticipation as she dug through her sock drawer and landed on a small velvet box. She didn’t know what was prompting her to give Stella the present in the moment, it wasn’t intended to be a birthday gift, but something in her told her that it was the right time to share it.

Upon returning to their living room which was covered in various blankets and cushions from Monica’s lamaze class, Stella had sat herself upright and waited as Dana came to sit beside her with a nervous grin.

“So, I got you something, and before you look at it I want you to know that it’s a bit different than the one you got me for a few reasons,” she began while revealing the red velvet box from behind her back. Stella pursed her lips at the sight of it, touched that Dana had gone out of her way to get her a ring just as she had before Arthur had joined them.

“This is different because I want to tell you how much you mean to me. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to love again when Mulder died. I would look up at the stars and wonder why on earth something so precious was taken from me, but now I realize that you were there waiting, whether either of us knew it or not you were there. My bright, shining star when I thought I was in total darkness. You loved me, and love our son with your whole heart, and now you’re giving us a beautiful baby girl and that has been the most wonderful thing to watch. You bring our family together and love us- love me- so deeply. We’ve experienced love, and loss together and I am so glad that I have had you by my side for all of it. I love you Stella Gibson and I am asking you to marry me. I know it’s not legal yet, and I’m bad at expressing my feelings, but I want to make you my wife.”

Stella blinked in complete awe as Dana’s words spilled out of her mouth, popping the box open to reveal an oval royal amethyst crystal that sat upon a silver band. The deep purple glistened in the light with diamond crystals weaving around the rock with smaller, darker bits of amethyst sprinkled in like flowery stems.

“I- I love you so much,” was all the blonde could choke out in between incoherent sobs, one hand clasping over her mouth in an attempt to keep their toddler asleep. Dana smiled in response and blinked her own tears away before urging the box towards her.

“So is that a…”

“Of course I’ll marry you!” Stella’s sputtering tears of exasperation dampening Dana’s cheeks as she slammed her lips onto the redhead’s. Dana could feel her breath shudder with sobs into her mouth, causing her to pull away and brush a thumb over her cheek with care to try and calm her down.

Silently she slipped the ring onto Stella’s finger and discarded the box onto the table, wrapping her arm around her shoulder in an attempt to hold her fiancé closer. Dana gingerly rubbed Stella’s back until she could feel her tears soften, her hormones truly warping her body.

For the first time in what felt like ages it felt like Stella had relaxed, staring at the ring on her finger representing the vow they had made to one another despite the government not recognizing their union as true. Dana noticed as the lines on Stella’s face softened, her left hand perched on the peak of her stomach in order to stare at the ring that Dana had mindfully picked out upon deciding that she’d be the one to pop the big question to the love of her life.

Before either of them could let their mind linger too far off, the sound of their waking toddler was enough to send Dana to her feet with another wink towards Stella.

“We have another present for you.”

Stella waited patiently on the sofa as Dana disappeared into their son’s room, vocal ‘whispers’ being heard from the living room as Dana urged their son to lower his voice. Stella could barely manage to wipe the grin that had spread off of her mouth, waiting patiently until Dana and Arthur emerged down the hallway. The redhead carried their still sleepy son on one hip and a shrouded rectangle in the other hand, depositing Arthur onto the sofa for him to cuddle up beside his mother.

“My little bear, we have to show mummy what we made her for her birthday, remember?” Dana reminded, the mention of Stella’s present causing him to lift his head off of Stella’s body and pluck his pacifier out of his mouth. Eagerly he scrambled to the floor and helped Dana remove the blanket to reveal a large white frame with a plethora of purple and lavender splotches, clearly painted by their two year old in an attempt at flowers. In the middle a photo of their daughter’s black and white sonogram sat amidst the chaos of her brother’s artwork.

“Oh gosh,” Stella began, scooting forward on the sofa to get a closer look despite her resurfacing tears. Arthur watched nervously as his mother began to tear up, discarding the blanket to toddle back onto the sofa. Gingerly he reached onto his toes and wrapped one arm around her neck, the other rubbing her cheek like he had seen Dana do countless times before to soothe either of them when needed it. 

Stella softened at the contact and pulled their kind, compassionate and loving son into her arms, his head resting in the crook of her neck.

“Mummy isn’t sad, baby. She just loves your present so much,” she whispered into his ear, feeling his grip ease on her as she assured him that she was indeed okay. Her hand slowly eased up and down his back until she felt his tension roll off of his body, their son’s empathetic traits something both women adored, but something they often worried about.

“Mummy is so happy that you love to give her hugs and snuggles, but it’s okay for her to cry when she’s happy too. You don’t have to be sad or scared when she does,” Stella whispered into his ear, feeling him perk up and stare back at her with his big Scully-like eyes and pout.

“It’s okay,” Stella whispered softly, glancing over at Dana who mirrored his pout and set the frame down, moving beside Stella to rub her hand up and down his back as well. Gingerly wiping her tears, Stella smiled as she coaxed his head up, pressing a kiss onto his cheek.

“See, mummy just loved your present so much. She’s okay,” Dana urged as he stared warily, simply shrugging before burying himself between the both of them for more love.

  
  
  


…

  
  


Stella sighed as she cleaned up the toddler covered in the purple icing that Dana had frosted her birthday cake with. Monica returned with her arms full of pajamas, his bear towel and sleepy time lotion that the toddler slept in.

“Hello mister Arthur, I guess you enjoyed your cake,” Monica chirped as she laid everything out. The little boy nodded happily before Stella stealthily went in to wash his face with the washcloth, getting a squeal out of him.

“So Dana and I were talking and although we aren’t getting the kids formally baptized or anything, we wanted to know if you would want to be their godmother? I know you already are Arthur’s favorite Aunty Monica, but with the baby-,”

“Baby!” Arthur squealed from his spot on the counter, cutting Stella off by reaching and yanking her blouse up to try and show Monica where his sister was residing.

“Baby no, we can’t be lifting mummy’s shirt up like that,” Stella blushed as she pulled the material back over herself. His habit now developing as he grew more and more excited for his little sister’s arrival, specifically excited to share the fact that she was indeed growing inside of his mummy.

“Baby is inside of mummy,” he announced proudly before giving Stella’s stomach another harsh pat while grinning up at Monica. The brunette tried to stifle a laugh as Stella took a centering breath and continued cleaning him up as fast as possible.

“Well, I’d love to be their formal godmother. Just please don’t die or anything because three kids is crazy,” Monica chuckled, making Stella raise a playful eyebrow at the brunette before lifting the now clean boy into her arms.

“Maggie is on kid duty if we die, she insisted,” Stella assured before wrapping the toddler up in his favorite towel and passing him over to her friend, not convinced that she’d be able to balance all three of them while walking to the bed.

“Great, now all you have to do is pop out my little goddaughter to make this a real party,” she winked wryly, managing to get a smile out of Stella before getting the little boy dressed for presents and bedtime.

  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  


Monica perked up at the sound of a hearty sigh coming from the blonde’s desk, it was the second one she had noticed in the past thirty minutes, bringing out a glimmer of curiosity. Arthur had woken up with an ear infection and had been grizzly all morning, leaving Dana to stay home with him to try and limit the amount of stress on Stella’s part, knowing how worried she got any time their little boy got sick.

However, that meant that she had managed to get herself into work despite Dana’s protests, claiming that there was important work that needed to be done before she left on her looming maternity leave. However, she found herself regretting her decision as her back splintered with every shifting movement. 

It had been killing her since Monica had insisted she crouch on the living room floor for her impromptu class, but with little sleep and a baby demanding she be released from her residence from within, Stella felt awful. She figured that some time at work would keep her mind off of it, but having to squeeze herself into her now tight maternity outfit for work, sitting in an uncomfortable seat, with her ankles swelling as the hours passed seemed to only make things worse.

Monica pushed herself out of her seat and wandered into the main space of the basement where Stella sat with her face buried in her hands. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Monica prodded until Stella lifted her head, sighing heavily at the brunette. In all honesty she didn’t know where to begin with her worries, so she just sat back and stretched aching her back out.

“I’m just thinking about my mom,” she shrugged, making Monica perk up. Stella hadn’t ever mentioned the woman, only sharing bits and pieces about her father when relevant, but never her mother. “Plus my fucking back hurts.”

Monica nodded slowly and sunk further into the seat across from the blonde, urging her to continue if she felt comfortable to.

“We weren’t close. She didn’t want children, my father did, so she had me out of consideration for him. Then my father passed when I was younger and our relationship got even worse. I mean now I understand the situation she was in, how do you  _ not _ resent a child that you didn’t want at all? However I was a kid and growing up I just wanted a mom who was engaged with me and wanted me around. I just worry, it’s easy with Arthur, but I’m having a girl and that bond between a mother and daughter is delicate,  _ or so I’ve heard. _ I never had a mother figure to base this off of, and I don’t want my little girl to grow up resenting me for something that I could’ve controlled. I don’t want to hurt her the way I was hurt.”

Monica watched as Stella lowered her gaze down to the twitching muscles of her stomach, brushing her fingers up and down the top of her aching bump. 

“Look, the relationship between a mother and daughter is special, I saw it with my sister Marisol and Angelica. But this is like anything, it takes work and dedication. Your relationship with your daughter will be what you want it to be if you work towards it. However, there is a difference because you are actively making the choice for yourself to have this baby. Your mother, like you said, didn’t necessarily get the chance to do what made her happy.”

Monica paused for a moment when she watched Stella deflate at the comment, her eyes glassing over.

“But, that didn’t give her the right to take that resentment out on you. You couldn’t control any of that, you were a child and you deserved to be loved by the people who brought you into this world. You aren’t responsible for how your relationship with her turned out. Plus you were thrust into a bunch of adult situations when you were still a child yourself, and somehow you have managed to deal with this and navigate your own trauma in order to be a wonderful mother to Arthur, and I have no doubt that you will be amazing with this little girl.”

Stella breathed out heavily and leaned forward on her elbows, disregarding Monica’s words as her back seized up. Wordlessly Monica shuffled behind the blonde and pressed a firm hand against her lower back, feeling the tight muscles beneath her palm.

The taller woman bit her lip and kept her comments to herself, working the muscle with her hand until Stella sighed as it eased up. The blonde eased back and nodded in Monica’s direction as she took her spot in the chair across from her once more.

“You’re going to be a great mother. Just love her, apologize when you’re wrong, and let her know she’s safe with you. It’s all we really can do as parents, but you know that. Your little girl is so lucky to have you as her mother, and you know that despite it all, you are the one who made you who you are today. You did the work to become this wonderful person, your mom, as sad and unfortunate as her situation was, didn’t make you into a bad person. You didn’t let your past traumas pass onto your children, you worked on yourself and  _ that _ is what makes you a good parent.”

Stella nodded in assurance and rubbed her hand up and down the slope of her stomach, Monica’s words ringing true in her ears as she slid out of her seat and embraced the brunette briefly. Monica jolted at the contact before hugging the woman back, astonished at the embrace that seemed so out of character on her part.

“Thank you for helping me, for being such a good friend,” Stella sighed into Monica’s shoulder, her sentimental side even more apparent after everything the brunette had done for the small family. 

Monica nodded against the blonde and watched her pull away and straighten herself out before slowly pacing the room, unable to remain seated. Monica watched as she snatched the case off of her desk and anxiously wandered back and forth while reading Dana’s reports on the genetic abnormalities in the individuals that they had found for their case.

Monica watched as she shuffled with her heels discarded behind the desk, one fist shoved into the curve of her back while exhaling in a paced manner. With a sigh she dropped the pages onto Dana’s unoccupied desk and pressed her palms against the surface while moving her hips.

“God it’s like she’s right between my knees,” Stella grumbled, the uncertainty in her voice telling Monica to join her with a knowing smirk on her face.

“Do you want to go home?” she asked the blonde, but her question simply caused Stella to shake her head stubbornly. 

Monica rolled her eyes and backed away, knowing that Stella was inching her way into early labor. She knew the baby wouldn’t come falling out any time soon, but that Stella would be increasingly more uncomfortable, and would possibly want to change into some casual clothes and lay on her sofa until it was time to go.

“Alright then, but the minute things start to get to be too much for you I’m taking you home so your fiancé doesn’t bite my head off,” she urged towards the grumbling blonde who finally found a spot on the exercise ball that Monica had brought in for her around her seventh month to try and help with her discomfort that she had been feeling in the office.

“Fine, but the book said it’s going to be weeks of this before she makes an appearance, which sounds terrible for me, but means that you don’t have to worry about me every time I get up and wander down the hall to go and pee or pace back and forth.”

Monica chuckled at the comment and brushed Stella off, raising an eyebrow in her direction. She knew the blonde was stubborn, and expected nothing less than a declaration as to when this child would be coming.

“Well now you jinxed yourself,” Monica shrugged, causing Stella to simply roll her eyes and bite her tongue to try and bat away another twist of her back muscles.

“Whatever.” She replied with a smirk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY OWN DISCLAIMER: Everything I write in regards to Ivy Gibson (Stella's mom) is individual to her and her relationship that I have written between her and Stella. In no way am I trying to make a commentary or generalize those who do not want children or choose not to have them (or choose to have them as well). This is all individual to this story and I fully respect the choices people make with their lives and bodies! The choices you make are completely valid. With that thank you for reading and feel free to let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you have any thoughts or feedback please feel free to leave it below! I appreciate you all!:)


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